December 9, 2022
episode description
Thinking about the future stresses me out. And it stresses me out even more when I’m not sure if I’ll ever reach my goals in life. I hope that I’ll be able to achieve some version of success in the future, but the uncertainty of it all less than six months away from graduating college freaks me the hell out.
Links:
Buzzfeed Quiz: Success Prediction Quiz
Zodiac Sign Article: Five Zodiac signs most likely to be successful
This Ball Doesn't Know What It’s Talking About: Magic 8 Ball
transcript:
What does it mean to be successful? This is a question that I've been thinking about a lot as someone who's going to enter the job market soon looking for a job.
And, honestly, it stresses me out, like, every day, I'm stressed out about this question, at least for a little bit.
I personally think that there are different facets of success, that there is not just one measure of what it means to be successful. So to me, I think there's success in happiness. So kind of figuring out things like, are you content in your life? How content do you feel in your life? How excited are you to wake up the next day? I think, to me, that is a version of success. And then there's also the obvious one that a lot of people associate with success success, which is financial success.
Most people want financial success, I definitely do. I want financial success so bad, and it kind of makes me feel a little bit.It makes me feel materialistic. To be honest, it makes me feel like, it makes me think about that saying like that money isn't everything. But to me sometimes money does feel like everything, especially as someone who wasn't necessarily poor, wasn't necessarily living in poverty. But definitely, definitely has to work for everything that she has, and definitely knows that the things that are given to her, those people had to work really, really hard to give me those things.
So my privileges are not like something that comes easy to meet, so to speak. So it's not like—I know that everyone works hard, or everyone works, at least for the things that they have. But to me, it feels like the effort to get those things, like you have to go through a lot.
I also think there's success in relationships, not just romantic, also platonic and family relationships, that can look different for everyone. Obviously, there's like found family and all of that. But that's another facet of success that I think about. And obviously in a perfect world, you would want to have all kinds of success, especially those 300 or more kinds of success. But those are the three that come to my mind when I when I think about my future.
But it sometimes does feel like those things are kind of out of reach and uncertainty makes me kind of anxious. Because I'm not sure if those things that I want, that I crave in life will be mine in the near future.
And social media, we all know about that everyday grind culture kind of thing going on. And sometimes during the semester, I feel kind of guilty on days that I don't get anything done, where I'm not productive. And I know the whole thing like the capitalism debate about
that, knowing that you don't, you're it's not your job to be productive, and you don't have to be productive every second of the day. Logically, I know that. But I still feel like if I'm not on my grind, every minute making moves in silence to make to reach my goals to achieve my dreams, then do I even really want it that bad? Sometimes, sometimes I think about things like that.
Sometimes I like I'm laying in my bed resting, really what I'm doing is rest. It's not that I'm—calling it unproductive in itself is is what makes me feel like I'm being lazy. But really what I'm doing is rest and rest is healthy. But you convince yourself that you can rest when you achieve everything that you want to achieve. That's something I've been thinking about and stressing about. And you know, wanting to work hard everyday but feeling so utterly exhausted and just wanting to lay down, sit with my dog just wanting to watch TV, wanting to do my hobbies, like baking and crocheting and this podcast and writing books but feeling so tired that you just have to sit there. And then, but you can't even enjoy resting, you can't enjoy sitting there because all you can think about are the assignments that you have to do, or the things that you could be doing with this time or how you you said"Oh, when I get free time, I'm going to do this, this and this, I'm going to do this and this" and then when you actually do get free time you just sit there and do nothing and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm like wasting time I should be I should be doing stuff with my time. So while I'm not doing anything while I'm resting, instead of enjoying my rest and feeling grateful that I have the opportunity to rest I'm berating myself for not using my time to do something more productive, something more something that's gonna benefit me in the long term something that's gonna make my life better in the future, which I guess really when you think about it rest will benefit me at some point in the future but it doesn't feel like it.
It doesn't feel like it's gonna help me achieve my goals, but it will, oh my gosh, I feel like I'm just, I feel like I'm just going around in circles, honestly. But yeah, I the whole point of that long long spiel is to say that sometimes resting feels makes me feel guilty,
even though it's necessary.
And I also think there's this pressure to be immediately successful, especially when you see people your age being successful in the media or on Tik Tok or anything like that, and you like, like you have a new favorite actor, and then you're like, oh, my gosh, let me look up how old they are. And then they're like, two years younger than you, you're like, Oh, my God. What am I doing with my life actually, like, for real? Why am I not as successful as them. And you know, that everyone achieves success in their own kind of time. It's not like a race, it's, it's more like a marathon. And it doesn't come in the same form for everyone. But you kind of start feeling doomed. If you're not immediately successful. By the time you reach a certain age, like, you feel like at some point, that you're—or you convince yourself that you're too old to reach success, which obviously is not true. There's so many examples out there people at all ages reaching success, but you feel like the clock is ticking. And you need to become successful as fast as you can. And it's so like anxiety inducing, like why are we putting ourselves or what why am I putting myself through such anxiety for something that really doesn't really matter in the current moment, I, we really need to focus on being present and what's happening in the current moment, instead of being so focused on what's happening next, or after that. And after that, and after that, we need to be focused on what what can I do right now, or what's impacting me right now.
And then there's also the thing where college is kind of a status symbol of like, how successful you might be in the future, think talking about ivies, and stuff like that.
Especially if you have friends that got into ivies. And you feel like oh, okay, so they're already more successful than me. And it's kind of like a—it's kind of like, a yucky feeling.
Because really, where you go to college, or how well you did on a test when you were 17 doesn't really play a part in how successful you're predicted to be. But would that not be taking into account like the resources that you would have at an Ivy League? Or just that the kind of college you go to, obviously, does help you, to some extent, be more successful. And obviously, the name of having that Ivy League or that prestigious college attached to your resume in your name is going to open doors for you that others might not have opened for them. But beyond all that, more, like how successful you might be in life kind of feel cemented, based on where you went to college.
And really, that's kind of just talking about, like, comparison is a thief of joy, or however that saying goes, but it does feel like, okay, they're at a certain point in life, why can't I be?
There is also the fact that the perception of people's lives on social media is distorted. As we know, people are mostly going to show you the best parts of their life, they're not going to show you the hard parts or the parts that they they're not always going to show you the parts that help them get to where they are now. But you still look at those things. And you're like, Oh, why aren't I where they are, or at the level that they're at, or they seem like they're this or that and this and that, and this and that. But really, you don't know what's happening behind closed doors.
So I think that success, for me at least is kind of something where I feel content in life, where I am excited for what the next day has in store for me and not like I'm just trying to get through the days get through Monday get through Tuesday get through each week.
More like I am relishing each and every day that I am lucky enough to be able to live through. But sometimes even that small amount of success seems so out of reach for me, which is really kind of sad when I think about it. And probably not true. Like it probably is closer than I think, but it feels that way. And that in itself is anxiety inducing.
So I found this quiz on Buzzfeed, it's from 2019. You're gonna hear some clicking from my mouse. I hope that's not too annoying. And the title of this quiz is "this personality quiz will predict what kind of success you'll achieve in life." And it says "there's more than one type of wealth." So let's go through this together and see what type of success that I might achieve in life.
The first question is, where would you be at a party? Great start great start. What does that have to do with my success? Whatever, it says next to the snacks, making my way through the entire crowd catching up with all the friends I bumped into along the way. While that was a long one. This dancing to whatever musics playing, people watching from an emotionally comfortable distance, wow, I'm not next to the snacks, not catching up to people. I could probably be doing either dancing or people watching. I think I prefer to be dancing. I think people watching makes me too aware of the fact that I'm at a party and other people can perceive me and people can also see me the same way that I can see them and I prefer to be
lost in the moment at parties cuz I think that's kind of what they're for, at least for me.
Okay, the second question is your company gives everyone in the office an unexpected day off, how do you spend it? And the first option is I veg out and Netflix on my bed slash couch all day.
Using Netflix as a verb? That's very millennial.
I treat myself to a fancy yoga class and massage. I go on that hike I've been meaning to do for a while. I hit up the group texts and see if anyone's free to hang out.
Hmm, it depends what kind of mood I'm in for real. And if it's raining and what the weather's like. I definitely don't text a group chat to see if anyone's hanging out. Free to hang out.
Maybe veg out. I hate saying that phrase. But maybe maybe chill out on the couch with my dog.
Okay, pick your ideal travel destination. Tokyo, Japan, Chile, Venice, Italy or the Philippines. Hmm.
I feel like probably Italy I've been wanting to to Italy for a long time. I'm really in love with the food. And the sights that I would see in Italy. Like, I want to go to a vineyard and all that. Is that French? I don't know. It's kind of it's kind of been a long day, guys. I can't think straight.
Okay, pick a comfort food. Ice cream. Grilled cheese sandwich. Chicken Soup. Fried chicken.
Well.
I feel like I already can't pick fried chicken just because I'm black. And that feels.
I just feel like I shouldn't even if it's true, but it's an option—I wouldn't pick that one anyway. Grilled cheese is absolutely disgusting. Like the cheeses like drippy, and I prefer my cheese on my grilled cheese sandwich to be like stretchy. Anyway, I'm gonna pick ice cream.
In your opinion, what's the most important quality in a romantic partner? Kindness, religious belief, generosity or intelligence? Oh, this is a good one. A spicy question. Kindness, not religious belief. I mean, maybe it should be I have no clue. We're just gonna skip that one. So, we have kindness, generosity, intelligence.
I'm kind of thinking between kindness and intelligence. I kind of feel like kindness is yeah, we're just gonna go with my gut kindness.
Oh, so last question. What's the most important quality in a friend? Professional ambition, patience, shared values, sense of humor. Definitely sense of humor.
Oh, it's not the last question. There's one more or I don't know how many more? This is another there's another one. If you had all the money in the world, where would you build a vacation home in front of the beach in the mountains in the desert wherever my parents are best friends live. Um, honestly, none of these because mountains are kind of scary like there's like animals there and beaches are too sandy. Imagine having all that sand in your house and deserts are too hot. I don't like to be hot. And wherever my parents are best friends live, like I believe in space. This is a vacation home not like a home home. You could build your actual home there and then vacation somewhere else. I personally would like to have a cottage with the garden. I think that'd be great. But that's not one of the options. So definitely not beach. Definitely not desert. Let's just say mountains.
And finally pick an unconventional pet. Okay, this is a good one. I work at a pet store.
Parrots, hedgehog, pig, or turtles. Turtles kind of freak me out. You can get salmonella from them. I did have a bird once, I had a parakeet.
Hedgehog. I kind of like hedgehogs or pig. Hmm. I feel like maybe hedgehog. Kind of cute.
Oh, it says something unexpected guys, it says you will achieve romantic success. You love love and feel life's highs and lows through your romantic relationship. Nothing animates you like a new relationship and nothing gets you down like a heartbreak. You see romance as the end goal of all pursuits in life and will be rewarded with the kind of all satisfying relationship others spend their entire lives only reading about Wow, that was awesome.
That was kind of a lot. I don't know.
Wow, I guess time will tell. Here I am thinking about career success. And I guess I did see relationships as a facet of success. That was shocking.
All right. Well, I'll link the quiz the quiz in the podcast description so you can take it if you want to.
In an effort to find out if I'll be successful in life, I found this article that's titled horoscope and success, five zodiac signs most likely to succeed in life. So we just did the Buzzfeed quiz. So now let's look at zodiac signs. Buzzfeed quiz says I'm going to be successful romantically. So let's see what if I'm one of the five zodiac signs. I'm a Gemini, by the way. It says,"Are you someone who is born to be successful? You never know you may be on the list of the most successful zodiac signs. Let's find out which are those five zodiac signs who are most likely to succeed in their life?"
Capricorn that's not me. Taurus. Not me either. Scorpio. It's not me. Pisces, cancer. Damn.
That didn't work out. But my mom's a Cancer so I guess good for her. I guess.
That's awkward. Well, if you're one of those five, you're a Capricorn Taurus, Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces. Congratulations. It's not me.
But don't worry, I have another, another thing to see if I'm going to be successful. So I have a magic eight ball website. This is my last resort. What should I type here? It says "type your question here." I feel like "will I be successful in life?" is kind of a little too broad.
Oh my god. There's this. There's this ad that says your sleeping position determines how many years you are going to live in the picture is like so scary. It's like this old woman that looks literally haunted. Oh my god. It the next ad says which squish mellow. What the heck? That was horrifying. I'm little actually traumatized from that.
Oh, okay, which questions do I type in? I'm not gonna say "will I be successful in life?" How do I articulate that question? Or how do I articulate success that I talked about earlier? Well,
we'll let's just—let's start. Let's start small. Let's start with career because that's what I was talking about earlier.
"Will I have a successful career in a field that makes me happy?"
Oh, I spelled happy wrong.
All right. Let's shake the ball.
Let's see what it has to say. Oh.
It says "my reply is no." What, to the successful part or the happy part? Maybe that shouldn't have two part questions. That must be what's going on. Okay. Okay. Well.
God I can't spell will, Oh my god. I just spelt will w h i l l. Anyway.
"Will I make a lot of money?"
All right. Let's see. Let's see. Please. magic eight ball, please.
Oh, this is I hate this ball. It said "better not tell you now." Okay, okay. Let's ask about romantic that because BuzzFeed says that I'm going to be successful romantically.
"Will I marry the love of my life?"
Okay, you ready? We can shake it.
Huh? Oh, no. Concentrate and ask again. I guess, I was—was I too nervous? Was I too nervous? It detected my nervous energy. Okay. "will I marry the love of my life?" Let's try again. "Will I marry the love of my life. will I marry the love of my life? will I marry the love of my life?" It is certain. So I guess what we learned from this is that Buzzfeed knows all.
BuzzFeed said I was gonna have romantic success and so does the magic eight ball. Wow, what a wild ride.
Anyway, that was a lot.
So I think this question has been on my mind a lot lately because I'm in like, a transition period of my life. Soon I'll be graduating college, thank god. Um, and it's like, I don't know what comes next. Because you think if you think about it for the last three years, at least every year, I've had a good idea of what I'll be doing next year, like okay, when I was a freshman I'm like, next year I'll be a sophomore. And when I was sophomore, I was like, next junior, then senior and so on and so forth. But all of a sudden, your senior year, like next year, I have no idea what I'll be. And it's just so nerve racking, it's unnerving. To just not have that certainty. I felt the same way senior year of high school, because think about it for 12 years of your life, you've been like, next year, I go to this grade, next year, I go this grade, oh, next year, I'm going to middle school and it's a different school, but at least I know what school I'm going to.
So even in the transition periods in elementary school, middle school, high school, you felt like, well, you have some semblance of what, what it might look like for you.
But when I was a senior in high school, I was like, I have no idea what college I'm going to no idea what the state I'll be in because I could have gone to college out of state. And it just gave me so much like, like stress. And I am maybe that's something, maybe that's me, maybe I have something where I feel like I need to know, like, what's going to happen next in life, or what steps I need to take, I need to follow path or something. But even if I do have these kind of understanding of what the next year might look like, really, in reality, all those things might not even happen, you're gonna have all these plans and all of these ideas of where your life is gonna go. And then at the end of the day, none of that happens.
I kind of burnt myself out. But that actually, because you know, your life can change in the blink of an eye, it can change in literal seconds.
But we plan as if that's not the case, we plan as if we know exactly what's gonna happen every day.
Or we come to terms with the fact that that's not true. And you know, it's not true. And every day, you're aware that it's not true that you don't know what the next day will bring or what the next year will bring. It's kind of unsettling.
So Yeah, I wonder what I'll be doing a year from now. I wonder what kinds of things I'll be worried about, what kinds of things will make me laugh or who I'll look forward to spending my time with, according to BuzzFeed, it's, it's gonna be the love of my life.
We'll see check in with me a year from now, and I'll let you know.
But when I look back on the past, the worries that I had a year ago, so this time last December, they seem so small in comparison to what I'm thinking about now. And part of me wonders if that's because just just because time has passed, or because I found solution to the problem and forgot how much stress I went through trying to find those solutions. Or if they just weren't as big of a deal as I thought they were.
I hear a lot of time, people talking about how success is about the journey and not the destination. But I think it's important to know that when you don't know for sure, if you're going to reach a destination that you're hoping to reach, it becomes so much harder to appreciate the experiences along the way that the journey consists of.
And so keeping this in mind, I think that my worries, your worries, if you have the same worries are valid. We don't know what our future looks like. We don't know nothing is guaranteed for us, people who are saying that success is about the journey, not the destination, have probably already reached their destination and are able to look back with that reflective lens that we currently don't have.
During the journey can be turbulent or the journey might be easy. The journey might be something that you wish you had never experienced. And then one day when you look back and you're like, actually that was like good. I wouldn't have gotten where I am without that journey, without those experiences. But while you're in it, it sucks. And it's okay to recover, to recognize that. It's okay to realize that, it's okay to complain about it. Because I sure do. And I'll probably continue to.
With that, I think I'm gonna wrap it up. I still don't know what it means to be successful. But I feel like, a little bit better after talking it out. To be honest, I feel pretty okay. Like, only the future will tell. And as I grow as I evolve as a person success and the definition of success to me will change. And what I prioritize in life will change too.
And I'm kind of honestly excited. Obviously, I'm still nervous, but I'm kind of excited to see where it takes me where life takes me.
Make sure to follow us on Instagram @jumblepodcast and also subscribe to our YouTube channel at jumble pod that is currently under construction, but I'll be getting things up on the channel as soon as possible.
And I look forward to talking to you guys next time. As always, it's a pleasure. And I hope that tomorrow is better than today. Even if today was great, I hope that tomorrow is even better.
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