April 16, 2023
episode description
After years and years of talking about it, I finally got my first tattoo. It wasn't really the magical experience that I had envisioned, but it's one of those things that I think worked out exactly how it was supposed to.
transcript
All over my TikTok feed has been that saying or quote or whatever that says like, "how you spend your days is how you spend your life."
And when I first like started getting those hashtags, I was like really floored, I was like, Oh my God, how I choose to spend my time each day is literally how I'm spending my life. And it made me want to make my choices with my time, more intentional.
Because really, you know, you just say, let me get through this day. Let me get through that day. Are you just like getting through the days of your life? Really, that's your life, like every single day that you live. It culminates in what you can look back on and say that that was your life. So that was, I don't know. How do I say this?
It was like a wake up call a little bit. Because if I'm dreading every day, going to my internship, am I dreading my life? Oh my god, that's so depressing. I don't want to count this feeling of dread as how I'm spending my life. Because really, what I'm doing is I'm just waiting for the part where I can wake up every day and be excited again.
So I'm just trying to get through this part. To get to, hopefully, what is the better part in my life? Better phase? Better stage? Anyway, that's not at all this episode is about this episode is about. It's about my experience getting a tattoo.
So I did just get my first tattoo earlier this month. It was really exciting and scary, but mostly exciting. I've been wanting to get a tattoo for a good four years, at least. I mean I played around with the idea freshman year of college, but I probably would have not gotten one then.
But I would have had more opportunities to get one if it wasn't for the pandemic. But I finally this year— well, last year, I was like, I'm gonna get a tattoo. I did like the whole Inkbox thing with the temporary tattoos. And I was literally obsessed. So I was like, yeah, we can make this real. So I made the appointment after researching and finding someone that I really, like I really liked their work and I chose a black tattoo artist. Because I don't know, I wanted to support black tattoo artists.
And also I kind of felt more comfortable getting tattooed by black tattoo artists. I wanted the artwork to look good on a darker skin tone. So I intentionally chosen artists that I knew probably had experience tattooing darker skin tones. And I made my appointment way back in October, and I didn't like get an appointment until like six or seven months out. That's how in demand this artist was. So I had to wait a long time before I even like got to get the tattoo.
First I had to wait a long time for his books to open, like when scheduling a tattoo. And then after I scheduled the tattoo and had the consultation everything, I had to wait like months for it to even happen.
So this anticipation was just building and building and building over time. And honestly, like two months before the appointment, I started getting cold feet. I started being like, oh my god, like what am I doing, actually? And I did a lot of research. I was like, what is the most painful part of your body to get a tattoo and I like looked at the chart and I was saw different areas and I was like oh my god, the area that I want to get tattoo in is yellow like it's gonna hurt, Oh my god.
So I was stressing, I was over researching, which is something that I tend to do whenever I'm like stressing about something or applying to a program like I overresearch. I find YouTube videos of people reviewing the program, I find testimonials on blogs, I find all types of stuff about the program or the person or whatever it is that I'm getting myself into I over research and that's probably like a fixation. Something that I do to calm my nerves to feel like I'm doing something while I'm waiting for the acceptance or rejection or whatever is going on. I research it.
I just feel like I want to know what I'm getting myself into. That doesn't feel like too big of a request. But yeah, I researched the most painful parts of your body to get a tattoo. And I researched like a bunch of YouTube videos about like what tattoo artists want every first timer to know. I like watched all those and I did research on like numbing creams. I was like maybe I should just use a numbing cream so I don't feel anything.
And I asked the tattoo artist, and he was like no, like, you might have a reaction to it before the appointment and that would be bad and it shouldn't be that bad in the spot that you're getting it.
I got mine on my inner bicep and I got it there because I wanted to like have the option to hide it or show it off whenever I wanted to. And I thought a lot about like, what will my tattoo look like with my wedding dress or in different situations when choosing my placement and I thought this was a good starting place because like I can get a tattoo in a more conspicuous place later. But this might be a good place to start.
I spent a lot of the time leading up to the appointment looking at the area where my tattoo was gonna go and trying to memorize what my arm looked like while it was still just skin and no ink. Because I was like this is the last time in my entire life that I'll see my arm looking barely like this because soon there's going to be ink there. So I was like, Oh my gosh, one of these days it's gonna have ink in it and I need to memorize what it looks like before there's any tattoo, if that makes sense. I don't know, maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm just weird.
But yeah, I looked at my arm a lot, in the time leading up to the months. And I also did a lot of research on trying to figure out what getting a tattoo actually feels like. And I watched another video where someone said it felt like a burning sensation. And someone else said it felt a continuous paper cut. And none of those things sounded really good. I was like kind of getting scared. Which is why I was considering the numbing cream because I was like yo, this is actually really, really real right now.
And I didn't want to back out because I already paid my deposit which was like lots of money. So I was like I this is happening, but I'm scared.
I forgot another important details that I got like— not matching tattoos, but like themed tattoos with my mom. Like we have the same concept just with different designs. And I had the consultation with my tattoo artist way back in October and then I like heard radio silence from him for forever. And I was like kind of stressed because I've never gotten a tattoo before. I didn't really know what the rules were like for the progression of events for custom tattoos.
But I was like literally dying to know what the design is gonna look like. So I like was waiting and waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
And then like a month before the tattoo appointment. I was like, I think it's like reasonable for me to ask if he has designs. And then I asked him he was like, oh, yeah, I don't start like designing anything until like the week of the appointment. And I was like, what? I don't know, that feels kind of like, I don't know— it makes me kind of anxious. Like, what do you mean? The week of the tattoo appointment?
Anyway, but I was like, well, maybe this is just how it is like, maybe this is just how it goes. What do I know? I don't know anything.
Anyway, I like didn't want to annoy my tattoo artist. But every day I was dying to know what the tattoo would look like. And he didn't end up sending me any like potential designs for the tattoo until two days before the appointment. And I'm like at this point, like, Oh my God, he's finally sent the designs. But even then he didn't like send the designs of his own volition like I had to be like, hello, hi. I'm just double checking to make sure our appointment is at like this date. And this time, let me know if I have the correct time.
And I'm like such a liar because I knew I had to correct time. But I just wanted to text him. I wanted an excuse to text him. And he was like, Yes, this is the correct spot. That's the correct time. Also, here's some designs, and I looked at designs, and I didn't like any of them. I didn't like not one. Like he gave me five designs. And honestly my mom didn't really like them either.
But I was devastated because his work on his Instagram is so beautiful. Like it's so beautiful. And I was like I just know he's gonna kill it. And then he did not. He gave me some mediocre designs. And I don't know if I'm like more judgy because I also draw but I was like, What is this? Where's the creativity?
I literally saw this design online— I don't want that. I just wasn't into it. And I felt kind of devastated. And I was like stressed because I was like, Bro the appointment is in two days. Like how are we gonna get it together in this short amount of time?
So I was stressed. I was like, what? Come on bruh. Like, I know you can do better than this. Like, I've seen your work. It's magnificent. What is this? So I had to figure out a way to politely be like, I actually hate them.
I had to figure out a way to be like, This is not what I had envisioned. And I was like, at this point, not really sure how to approach it. So I told him, I was like, I have the ones you gave me. I like this one the best. But I think it could be better if we did this instead of this. But he still wasn't getting it? Because he was like, so we'll just go with that one. And that like, whichever one that I said I liked the best.
And I had to then say like, No, I don't like that one. I actually like something more like this, and then send another picture of a design that I did like, and even then I had to do some tweaking, I eventually ended up having to like sketch what I wanted. And I was like, at that point, I might as well have just designed my own tattoo. And I'm kind of feeling like doing that in the future.
But you would think that would like offend the tattoo artists, like you would think they would be like, what are you doing drawing something for me? I don't know, if I was a tattoo artist, I would be obsessed with the process of creating and designing a tattoo, not just like the actual act of tattooing, but maybe you like get burnt out and tired of doing all that after a while. I could see that happening. You know, getting like creatively drained and coming up with new and unique designs all the time, that's gotta be a lot. But anyway, he did manage to get a design that I liked, but even when we like kind of settled on design, I was kind of like, I don't even really know if I like this actually. And it's gonna be on my body for forever, like permanently put on my body.
And how could I only get it because I'm too much of a pushover to say like, I don't like it. But it's that same type of feeling that you have when you're at like a hair salon, and you like don't like your hair cut, but you say you like anyway because you don't wanna hurt the hair stylist's feelings because at this point, like, what can you do? Your hair's already cut, or whatever. But that's not the same because hair can grow back. This tattoo will be on me forever.
I still wasn't 100% on board with this tattoo. But I was like, this is the best we got and the appointment is the next morning. So maybe I'll maybe it'll grow on me overnight. Like I was really hoping.
And honestly, I was kind of nervous when I got there. Because I was like, oh my god, he actually hates me now because I had to be firm and be like, no, I don't like this. I want that. But really, I was just advocating for myself. So there was nothing for me to be nervous about. But I still was like, oh my god, he hates me now. Because I was like, oh my god, I was too harsh. I'm so stupid. But that's what for real when I was thinking.
But when we got there, honestly, we vibed immediately, like he was so chill. So amazing. You could talk to this man about anything and he would be like down for the conversation or whatever topic you were talking about. And I think that helped a lot because he was so like warm and welcoming. And he obviously knew a lot about what he was doing and walked us through every step before we even got tattooed.
I remember for me he like did a little line of my tattoo like the smallest line possible to get to let me like get used to the sensation of being tattooed. When I was actually getting tattooed— the big climax that everything has been leading up to, I was kinda like nervous. Like what am I— what did I get myself into? It's just so crazy. I was feeling nervous, a little sweaty, just a little bit. And then he did like a small line. And honestly, I don't even know if you could describe getting a tattoo as painful, like I guess it was kind of painful. My mom described it as a sensation, which I think is very accurate. It is a sensation, it's not necessarily pleasant. But it's not necessarily like painful either. I think the best descriptor is that it's like like if you get like pricked with a safety pin very very lightly, like very lightly barely pricked with the safety pin, or like a diaper clip thingy.
But you're getting like pricked super fast so it's like it happens and then you forget it happened, then it happens again. So it didn't hurt really in the way that I thought it would. It felt like more annoying than anything after a while. Like in the beginning it was like oh, this sensation is so strange. But after like 30 minutes of it, it was like this is kind of annoying. I was kind of ready for it to be done. So it didn't hurt. But I also got it on like a part of my arm that's like a little bit fleshier. It's not that close to bone or anything. So I guess that contributed to it. And also he like obviously knew what he was doing.
I remember talking to him and he said something really interesting. Because I was talking to him about how I wanted my next tattoo artist to be like a black woman, because I would love to support black female tattoo artists and stuff like that. And why I chose a black artists for my first tattoo.
And he said he learned to tattoo on black skin first. And when he had to tattoo like white people, he didn't realize how much thicker white skin is, and that he has to press harder, because black skin is like softer and thinner.
And I thought that was really interesting, because first of all, that's probably because of like evolution or whatever. You know, when black people are in the sun, your skin is thinner to cool you down because the weather is hotter versus skin being thicker for colder weather probably keeps you insulated, warmer and all that stuff. But also, that if I were to get tattooed by someone who never tattooed black people, I could get like, I could get like a keloid. Like I could get problems in my skin if they press too hard under the assumption that you need to apply the same pressure that you would for whiter or lighter skin tones, which is really crazy to me. And it made me so grateful that I decided to get tattooed by a black person first because what if I like went into getting my first tattoo and didn't even know that that was possible.
So if you're black and you're thinking of getting a tattoo, take into consideration, our skin is thinner, our skin is softer, doesn't need as much pressure. So make sure that your tattoo artist knows that or hopefully has experience tattooing darker skinned people.
There is actually this person I want to get tattooed by next, but there's no pictures of like darker skin tones on her Instagram, and it makes me feel like she's never tattooed black people. And honestly, I'm kind of not wanting to do that anymore. So that's kind of a bummer. But it's kind of a bummer both ways. Like if she has tattooed black people why is she not posting that? It it because it doesn't go with her black and white aesthetic of her photos. Or maybe she hasn't tattooed black people and that's why she doesn't have any pictures. That's also a bummer. Because like I don't want to be the first.
Yeah, not trying to be a learning experience, to be honest, not playing with my skin in that way. At least not for my second tattoo anyway. That's probably also why it didn't hurt as much because he didn't put too much pressure because he didn't need to. That was really interesting. Honestly, that's all I have to say about the actual act of getting tattooed. It was kind of anticlimactic. I mean, it was fun.
But I remember like right after I got the tattoo, being worried about like rubbing my tattoo off, which makes literally no sense because the ink is literally embedded into my skin. But it felt like if I like was not careful, it would rub off. Even like doing something as simple as putting on my T shirt. Because I was like worried that the tattoo would rub off. And then when I peeled off the second skin— so like that little plastic thing on top of the tattoo, there was like some ink on it. And I was like, oh my god, I pulled it out. Like I peeled off the tattoo. I'm so stupid. But I did some research on that too. And I think it was just like, residual ink that was laying on top of my skin like not the actual tattoo. I don't know, I'm not I'm not a tattoo expert. That's but that's what I got after watching videos about like second skin and like all that.
But after that, I mean I just kind of put lotion on my tattoo as it healed. And I've had it for about three weeks now. And I honestly I love it. I love it. Even though I went through all that stress with finding the right design and all of that, I like it in the end. It worked out beautifully. And I feel like I have a unique piece on my arm.
I can't wait for the summertime so I can show it off. But I'm also kind of scared about how it's going to age, like I'm not too sure about how that's going to work. I heard like fine line designs don't age too well, and that's what I got. But I guess only time will tell. I don't know. He seemed like he knew what he was doing. So only time will tell.
With that I think I'm going to end the episode there. Make sure to follow the podcast on Instagram @jumblepodcast and also make sure to check out the website at the link in the episode description. I've been putting some stuff on there and some transcripts and stuff. Trying to make it try to make it look nice and all that.
What else?
I don't know what else but check out the stuff that's in the description. But as always, I hope that tomorrow is better than today.
You never know what's waiting for you on the horizon. You never know what's waiting for you tomorrow. So, look forward to it. Whatever it is. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I'm kind of tired. I'm kind of sleepy. I'll talk to you in the next episode, and hopefully, I'll be a little bit less tired and can make more sense. I don't even know if I made sense this episode, but I hope so.