February 12, 2023
episode description
We’ve all been there at least once. By yourself on the holiday that reminds you at every turn just how alone you really are. When you’re surrounded by reminders that there’s no one to bring you flowers, is the solution to buy your own flowers? Or is it just to remind yourself that self love is the most important love? I don’t know, but what I do know is that no matter how secure you are in your singleness, being alone on valentine’s day is rarely fun.
Links: Seventeen Article: 36 Things To Do When You're Alone on Valentine's Day
transcript:
Today I am recording the episode outside, to hopefully give some ambience to the episode. I don't know, this is kind of an embarrassing topic to be talking about outside, so we'll see how long I last. Anyway, I also kind of look ridiculous outside right now, I've got on some red rain boots and a winter coat.
It's like cold as hell. I don't know what I'm doing out here.
So it's about that time, um for Valentine's Day. I have seen the stuff being like, put out in the stores probably like as soon as Christmas was over, promptly on December 26th. They were putting that stuff out there, and I am once again coming to terms with the fact that I am going to be single on Valentine's yet again.
I have been single on Valentine's Day every single year of my life. Now, when I say like that, it sounds very depressing, but I promise you it's not, it's not as depressing. Well, maybe it is . I don't know. I mean, I don't particularly feel bothered about it this year. Um, but it is, it is a fact. And there's no greater day to remind you that you are single.
You're alone. You haven't found your life partner. February 14th and my relationship with Valentine's Day has shifted a lot throughout the years. I mean, in high school, Valentine's Day was sad because you know, you transition from, in middle school and elementary school, everybody gets candy and it's just about the candy to it being about relationships, I mean, in middle school it's about relationships a little bit, but not as much as in high school.
Cause my high school did this thing where you could deliver a rose to someone for a dollar. Like you could pay a dollar to whatever club organized that and they would send a rose to whatever person you chose who went to the school, and it's really sad to say this, but every single year that I was in high school and that time rolled around for those dollar roses, I thought that this might be the year that I get one.
This might be the year that I get a rose from a secret admirer, and it never was. It never was that year for me. And it was like, it was like all day. I was like, maybe, maybe, maybe today will be today. Maybe this year will be the year, maybe, you know, maybe there's a secret admirer out there and they'll confess.
And it didn't happen for me freshman year. It didn't happen for me sophomore year. It didn't happen for me junior year. And by the time senior year rolled around, I was like, maybe I'll just buy one for myself and pretend like, put on a show, pretend that someone else bought it for me. Because there's no shame in the game.
I mean, I can show self-love and add a little mystery to my life. A little bit of entertainment like, oh my God, who brought that from me? That's so crazy. Like. That's what I was contemplating. Yeah, so those Valentine's Day in high school, not good. I mean, nothing was not good. It just was nothing special.
And then when I got to college, Valentine's Day, it was still like a, a thorn in my side. Freshman year I had particularly traumatizing Valentine's Day because I had like a, I think I, I talked about this in my public speaking episode. I, I was in some math class on Valentine's Day, and um, I had to give some type of like, presentation thing, and I like broke down.
I don't know what happened. Like my, my body failed me , and I was like, wow, great. What a wonderful Valentine's Day. So, It just, I don't know, in college, Valentine's Day for me was just a reminder that I wasn't loved or cherished by a boy in the same way that other people were. And I wanna put an emphasis on that. By a boy, cuz I was loved and cherished by my family and my friends and now my dog. But it doesn't really fill the gap that romantic love does. It feels like you're lacking in some way. And I think that's my biggest problem with Valentine's Day in college is that it makes me feel like I'm lacking, not because I miss or crave or desire the gestures.
I still celebrate Valentine's Day, cuz I get chocolate covered strawberries for myself and we buy flowers and all of that. And it's like, you know, it's whatever. But really what all of those gestures symbolize, what they all communicate is that you are loved and cherished by someone who doesn't, doesn't feel obligated to love and cherish you.
But they do it anyway because they do. And it is true that no one is obligated to love you or cherish you no matter what their relationship is to you. But it feels extra special, romantic wise, if that makes sense. Not me like looking over my shoulder, I'd be like, oh my God, did anyone hear me? Like just confess that, that's so embarrassing.
Cause I'm outside. Um, yeah, but really I think throughout my life, I have just been kind of in love, infatuated with, fantasizing about the idea of being in love. So it's not that I like, I don't know, I just, I just was in love with the idea of being in love because who wouldn't be? I feel like all the media we consumed tells you that you should be, and so when you don't experience it you just feel like, well then I guess I, I'm a failure. Like I failed cause I didn't get to be in love in the way that the TV shows and the movies tell me that I should be at this point. And I feel like I often use romance books as a coping mechanism. There's a TikTok that I'll link in the podcast description that talks about like, you know, you're like fine not being in a relationship, which is how I feel right now.
You're okay with being single and you actually kind of like it, but then you are obsessed with like fictional romance, whether that's in K dramas for me, like I like to watch romance K dramas or in romance books, like you idolize, romanticize the process of falling in love and the men that are portrayed in these romance genres.
So I do do that and it kind of feels like that kind of fills the gap, so to speak that. A lack of romance, you know, sweeping you off your feet, like these books, like these movies, um, in my life it kind of feels like the—consuming this media. Mm. How do I, I don't even know the word. What I'm trying, I'm looking for.
It just feels like I, not that I feel satisfied, but I feel kind of like, like I'm like, okay, I'm okay with just reading this for now because reading it kind of makes me feel like I'm falling in love. Does that make sense? Like reading the narrative of someone else falling in love gives me the same emotions that I feel like, like I can pretend like I'm also falling in love
Um, but the other day, a boy walked into my part-time job and he was holding like flowers in his hand, which isn't like weird cuz it's right next to my job. It's right next to a grocery store. But he had a bunch of flowers in his hands. And for some del—like for one delusional second, I thought it was like, for me, and I didn't even know that boy.
Like I had no clue who he was. And I was like, what if they're for me? The flowers, just for like a split second. Like, I'm not actually that crazy, but I was like, what if, kind of thing. Um, and from then after I came back to reality, I was like, I wonder what it would be like for someone to bring me flowers.
And it's like, it's like, no matter how cliche it is, I in that moment wanted it so badly, like craved it. The idea of someone taking the time out of their day to make like a gesture as small as, or, you know, I guess it, it's, it's as small gesture, but it feels big, um, a gesture like bringing them flowers because you want to, cuz you wanna show them, you wanna communicate how you care about them.
I, it was kind of, kind of sad, kind of bittersweet, kind of got me in my feelings a little bit. And I think what that boils down to really is the feeling of wanting to be wanted by someone and to have that kind of validation. And sometimes I think about romance and I'm like, do I really want romance or do I want validation?
That someone could be interested in me romantically or that someone desires me in that way. It's like do I actually want that? Do I want romance and all that comes with it? Or do I just want like reassurance and validation that yeah, someone could like me in that way. Um, because when you have like a lack of romance, it feels like, am I even lovable?
Like nobody has done grand romantic gestures for me. Does that mean I'm like, not lovable? It's illogical to think that, I know, I do know that, but sometimes I get like lost in the idea of, oh, nobody wants me in that way, so maybe nobody ever will want me in that way.
And I do know. That being alone on Valentine's Day is not the end of the world. But if I'm being honest, when Valentine's Day rolls around, it feels like it is anyway. Like I know that it's not the end of the world, but I feel like it's the end of the world anyway, so I looked up an article about what to do when you're alone on Valentine's Day, so that if you're alone on Valentine's Day like I will be this year we can think of some things together about what we should do. And I looked at this article and it was like 36 things to do on Valentine's Day when you're alone. And I was like, um, actually this list sucks. Actually, you can keep your list. Because it had a bunch of stuff that, like a bunch of suggestions that I feel like would just make me even sadder.
Because it would like surround me with couples and other coupley things like, you know, going to a movie or trying a new restaurant. Like if you went to a movie, you would be surrounded by couples, on their dates. If you went to a restaurant, you would also be surrounded by couples on their dates.
Like why would you do that to yourself? I'm not doing that on Valentine's Day. So I made my own list. I mean, I took some ideas from there, but I made my own list about 10 things you can. On when you're alone on Valentine's Day, that won't make you feel even sadder than you already are. Hopefully, they'll make you feel better, but I can guarantee they won't make you feel sadder.
Well, I'm not gonna guarantee that, but I, I hope that they won't make you feel sadder. Um, so some things you could do, you could take a bath, start a new book, explore a new area, work out, do a intense skincare routine, impulse by something that you've been telling yourself, oh, I don't need that. I don't need that.
Like, buy it for yourself. Get that instant gratification. You could start a new hobby that you've always wanted to try, or you can paint your nails, buy yourself flowers, or even change something about your appearance, whether that's trying a new makeup look or changing how your hair looks, or buying some new clothes or just, you know, reminding yourself why you appreciate yourself, kind of thing.
Or why you should appreciate yourself. That's the idea that I had in mind while making this list. So those are some ideas to try if you're alone on Valentine's Day, even if you're not alone, still make time for these things cuz self-care is important. I think it's important though, not to avoid the holiday.
I feel like avoiding Valentine's Day makes the whole thing even worse. Because you, you're actively avoiding it and you know that you're actively avoiding it. I think you can face it head on. I know you can do it. I can do it. Face the holiday head on the day of love. It's fine. Cause there is love in your life somewhere.
Even if you think there's not, there definitely is. There is one person who loves you or appreciates you for you. For you being who you are. Think about the people that already love you. I know I said earlier that romantic love is kind of indicative of a love that cannot really always be fulfilled by other types of love in your life, like platonic types, whether that's friends, loving your friends or loving your family members.
But I do think also it's important not to get lost in the love that you lack and to instead think about that the love that you do have that already exists in your life. You know, instead of fixating on something that you don't. Um, a type of love that, that you don't have in your life right now. Think about and be grateful for the love that you have because you could live a life where you don't even have that.
So take me a moment to reflect on that. And I know it's easier said than done, trust me. I know it's easier said than done, but you get the idea that the day of love is not just about one type of love. And I think it's very important to reconcile. Realize within yourself, are you lonely or are you just alone?
Because a lot of the times, I'm just alone and not lonely. I'm very rarely lonely, but most of the time I am alone and I love being alone. That's my favorite thing, honestly, being alone with my dog. Um, because he can't talk . So I mean, he does talk, he doesn't shut up. You probably heard him in the background of some of these episodes.
He barks nonstop, but, um, realizing like, are you really lonely or are you just alone? Do you actually like being alone and are convinced that you don't, that you're actually lonely because of the things that society and other forms of media are telling you? And if you're like, no, I am lonely and I know I'm lonely, then like, good for you for knowing.
Try to do things that don't make you feel alone, even if it's things that you might not expect, like playing video games or going to volunteer at animal shelters or other things that are community based where you don't feel like you're lonely. Being in other people's presence in different ways and ways that you can control because we can't control whether or not someone falls in love with us romantically.
That's not something that we can control. So instead, try to think about the things that you can control to make yourself feel less lonely, less lost in your loneliness.
With that, I think I'm gonna end the episode there. Make sure to follow the podcast on Instagram @jumblepodcast. And as always, I hope that tomorrow is better than today.
I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's. Celebrating the day of love and however you celebrate it. I definitely will be getting some chocolate covered strawberries cuz that's my favorite dessert, to be honest. I would eat that every month of the year if I could.
It just occurred to me that I can eat chocolate strawberries every month if I want and so maybe I will start.
Anyway, happy Valentine's Day guys.
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