December 18, 2022
episode description
I didn’t know how to comb my own natural hair until I was 18. A lot of Black girls can probably relate to the struggle of simultaneously learning to do and learning to love your natural hair. And while I was determined to learn how to take care of my natural curls, it wasn’t an easy road. Find out your hair texture: Hair Texture Quiz
transcript:
The semester is so close to being over. So, so, so, so, so close being over. But of course I have to get through finals first. And let me be honest with you guys, my hair, my box braids that I have in right now are very much past it’s expiration date. It’s time to take them out. My hair is itching, it’s dry it’s the braids are hanging on by a strand of hair. Well, it’s not that bad. I feel like I’m painting this image, but it’s not that bad. But it feels that bad. And you know how when you keep braiding for a certain amount of time, even if you wash your hair, it still feels like it’s dirty, like it’s making your face break out. And I was on acutane for my acne, so I really can’t be having my face break out, but I just don’t have time to do my hair right now.
Between my finals and my part time job and just eating, I don’t have 4 hours to take out my braids and wash my hair and comb my hair and moisturize my hair. It was really not even 4 hours, that was being nice. It’s really like five or six, to be honest with you. And I just don’t have that time right now. But I need to take them out. I can’t stand it. I’m not going to last past this Friday with these braids in. So I’m going to have to suck it up and wake up early one of these days to take it out before my next shift over the weekend. But it’s rough out here, guys. It’s rough. Like, I don’t even know how I made it this long, to be honest with you.
Saying all of that to say, this episode is about how I taught myself how to do my own hair, my own natural hair. So when I graduated from high school, I knew that I wanted to live on campus. I had gotten into my dream school and I knew that I wanted the full college experience. And I also knew that I might not have time to be braiding my hair every month and a half the same way that I did in high school. And I wouldn’t have my mom to drive me there when I lived on campus. So I was determined the summer before I went to my freshman year of college that this was the year I was going to learn how to do my natural hair.
Now, my hair had been permed all throughout middle school and then maybe the first two years of high school and then in the last two years of high school, I put in box braids and let my permed hair grow out. I, like, slowly cut off my permed hair until all I had was my natural hair. But you couldn’t tell that that was what I was doing because I always had box braids in. Like 110% of the time my hair was in box braids, I only took them out for one day. The day that I got my hair done is when I took them out and then put them back in or over the weekend. I would take them out maybe Friday after school, and then Sunday I would get my hair braided and nobody would see. I mean, they would know that I got my hair done because sometimes I put different colors and stuff, but nobody would see that transition time in between when I had my natural hair out. So because of this, I had never really interacted with my natural hair much. Mostly my mom would help me wash my hair and comb out my hair and put, like, little platts in it to get it ready for the braiding appointment the next day.
But I would look at my head in the mirror and be intimidated. I would be shaking in my boots, frightened, just looking at my reflection, because I was like, ain’t no way in hell will I ever be able to master this. Like this. The hair won. The hair won and I’m okay with that. That was the attitude I had. But the summer of 2019, I was like, this has got to change. I’m going to master this. And I mean, I was a total beginner. I didn’t even know that my hair needed to be damp to comb. I didn’t know what I was doing. And there were many nights filled with tears as I just even tried to take that first step to comb my hair, which sounds, like, ridiculous. If you’re not black and you haven’t experienced this, or you don’t have someone in your life who’s black who’s gone through this, you really don’t understand the true sorrow you feel when you can’t do your hair.
When you’ve broken three combs, and it’s like, the hair has won. I give up. I wave the white flag. I’m surrendering. I just can’t believe something that I grew out of my own body is defeating me in this way. But, yeah, when I grew up, the reason why it got to this point, like it’s snowballed to this point is because I kind of had this aversion to the stigma that was associated with fake hair, at least when I was in middle school. It’s not like it is now, where it’s like fake hair is kind of more accepted and kind of cool, almost trendy in a way that it wasn’t. Like, if you had fake hair, you were considered ghetto. When I was in middle school, at least in my area, I don’t know about everyone else, but when I grew up in middle school, having fake hair was considered ghetto. And if you were a black girl and you could grow your own natural hair and it could be long, that was like a status symbol. You were like, I’m not like other black girls. This is my real hair. And it’s flowing and I’m flipping it around and putting it in ponytails. And it’s all me, all natural. I put it in my own ponytail. Not like other girls who wear fake hair and are ghetto, right? That was the implied connotation with it.
And it was even to the point where one time in high school before I had started wearing box braids on the regular when my hair was still permed, we went on a vacation and we were going somewhere where I was going to be swimming a lot. And so I put box braids in my hair so I didn’t have to do it all the time. And when we got back, it was a week, week long. I think it was like spring break or something. When we got back, I was like, these braids have to come out right now. Now, granted, the braids had only been in one week for the one week trip, and I was like, oh my God, I’ve got school tomorrow. Nobody can see me with this fake hair in my head because they’ll know that it’s fake. And that was like, genuinely terrifying to me. I was like, they’re going to think all sorts of things. Like, I honestly don’t even remember what I thought they were going to think or how they were going to react. But I just knew that I was feeling, like, upset at the thought of people seeing me with hair that wasn’t mine. And so I took out my braids. I got my mom to take out my braids. I helped her take it out, washed my hair, straightened it, and went to school the next day.
Now, if we think about that, it’s really sad and depressing, especially because at this point, my hair was breaking from the heat damage. And so it’s not like my hair was looking good. It was honestly better in the braids because I had breakage and my hair was see through. But I was like, this is so much better because this is actually my hair and it’s straight and it looks nice. But it was really some real twisted thinking. That’s the place I was at at that point before I had fully embraced my natural hair. And looking back on that, I just realized how much I felt the desire to conform to white beauty standards. And it makes me sad. It makes me sad for my past self. Makes me wish that I could go back in time and I don’t know, tell myself something, give myself a hug. Tell her your hair does not look good, and just put it in the box braids and call it a day or something. Like, tell her we could see through it in the back and something needs to be done. Maybe not like that. That would probably make me cry.
As a student teacher right now, I do definitely make it my priority for my black girls in my class to complement them whenever their natural hair is out. Because that confidence that you have when you wear your natural hair can first of all, completely change how you wear your hair. Like when you have confidence in how your hair looks, you strut in a totally different step. So I really prioritize building that confidence. But then also, I just know that there’s going to be a lot of other sources in their life that are going to be doing the exact opposite, tearing them down for their natural hair. Even though we have reached some type of—we’ve changed since I was in school and the connotation is not the same, there are still going to be a lot of environments and a lot of people who will say, off-handed comments, intentional comments that will tear down their self esteem, their pride in their hair. Or has the potential to. Not that it will, but it has the potential to do those things. And if you hear enough of those things, you start to believe it, like I did when I was in middle school.
But when I was learning to comb my hair, it was rough. It was real rough. It was probably the hardest part of the whole learning how to do your hair is mastering that first step of how to comb it and what products work best in your hair and what approach works best for you, how to section your hair and all of that. That was the hardest step for me. And for me, I learned that it was the best approach for me was to split it in half and then split it in quarters, is put those quarters into three sections and take it at each section. And it takes a long time, but it’s what works for me. And you just kind of have to play around and try different things until you figure out what’s best for you. And, you’ll know, when you do, it just feels right, and it feels like almost meditative. Like now when I comb my natural hair out, I feel like I’m doing some type of yoga, some type of relaxation thing. I just put on a show, I comb my hair, and it feels so nice, like a little massage as you comb each strand of hair with your big tooth comb and then your smaller tooth comb. It’s like a ritual, really. Essentially. It’s a ritual that makes me feel at peace and also kind of recenters me in my blackness to some extent.
Online there’s also a lot of talk about hair types, and you’ve seen these charts and you’re like, what the heck? And I know I personally was like, what does that even mean? Like, 4A ABCDE, what’s going on here? And obviously what you hear the most about is 4C, at least in the black community. Everyone’s talking about 4C hair, and I personally think there’s some validity to those categories. But then there’s also a lot of gray area in between areas and just like different variations within each category, which a lot of people don’t talk about in their little charts that they be making online. So it’s kind of confusing. I know I personally would call my hair somewhere between 4B and 4C, and there’s porosity and stuff. I don’t even understand that. It’s been like four years into this journey for me, and I still don’t know what any of that stuff means. But I will say that my hair is somewhere between 4B and 4C, and it retains moisture a lot more than my mom’s hair does. So although our curl pattern is a little bit similar, mine retains moisture more, like longer than hers does. So it feels like it’s easier for me to manage my hair because it retains that moisture for longer. So there’s a lot of factors. So you might say you have 4C hair, but it might react different to different products, and it might react different to just moisture retention in general. Even though I categorize my hair like that, I have this quiz that’s supposed to tell me what my hair texture is. It’s from naturally curly I don’t know if they sell products or anything, but I just Googled Black Hair Texture Quiz, and this one was like, one targeted towards black people versus, like, a general one. So let’s go through it together. Hopefully don’t try to sell me anything in the process.
So I’m on the screen, it says, Want to understand your texture type? To understand all there is to know about your curl pattern, porosity density, reliable curly hair products, and the best hairstyles for you. Take the naturally curly, texture typing quiz right now. Okay, there’s that word again, porosity, whatever the hell that means. Okay, the next screen says, caring for curls, coils, and waves can seem overwhelming. You’ve probably tried several techniques and products and have been discouraged by the results. I know that’s right. And my wallet has also been discouraged, especially when they don’t work like you’re. Like, damn, that was how much money for that little container? It’s almost an insult.
That’s because each head of hair has unique characteristics that influence your curls and behavior. The shape and size of the hair follicle, hair strand, thickness and length, and even its relationship to moisture. Let’s get started. That’s just what I was talking about, relationship to moisture. Okay, so I guess I do know what I’m talking about. It starts by asking me, do any of these apply to you? I’ve used heat tools such as a blow dryer or a flat iron in the past three months. No, I have not. Though I want to. I just simply don’t know how to blow dry my hair. I understand the concept, but I’m a little afraid to do it by myself. I don’t want to damage my hair. And I don’t have like, a blow dryer that I haven’t bought a blow dryer or have done enough research to find a blow dryer that I think will work nice for my hair and also that I’ll like and work well for my skill set as well because I’m inexperienced. I’ve seen this one blow dryer that I’ve thought about buying, but it’s like a lot of rave, a lot of talk about it on TikTok, but I’m like, I don’t really know if I trust it because I don’t really see a lot of before and after pictures. Like, I want to see someone with half of their hair and not blow dried and the other half blow dried. Like, I just see the after and I’m like, well, what did your hair look like before? Because if you got 4A, you and me are not the same. That’s not going to work for me, probably. So that’s not me. I haven’t used the blow dryer. I’m transitioning to my natural texture. Neither applied to me. I guess I’m not transitioning. I’m just in my natural texture now. It’s been about six years, five years about that. So I’m going to put neither. Do you have locks? Locks are an intentional matting and tangling of the hair to create rope like structures. Hair is not combed during the locking process, which allows her that would normally shed tremendous among your strands wrapping around each other to form a new texture. No, I don’t have locks. Maybe one day learning the specifics of your curl pattern will help you understand what styling techniques and products work best for your unique set of strands. You’ll also love our naturally curly content that specifically addresses your curl needs. Okay, which of the following best describes your hair? Wavy, curly, or coily? Definitely coily. Just go straight to coil. Don’t even look at the other ones. Okay, now it’s going to ask about curl type. Which of the following options best describes your hair? Curls are tightly coiled and spring. When stretched or unstretched, has a circumference of a crochet needle or smaller, similar to four A. When stretched or even unstretched, has a circumference of the spring of an ink pin. Oh, very similar to four B, except that the curls coiled tighter at the root scalp hair doesn’t springer move, much less manipulated, such as braid out or twist out. Y’all, I’ve never done a successful braid out or twist out. I’ve done one, but not worn it out. It looks gorgeous and then had the nerve to wear it out. That is scary. Kudos to you guys that are doing that because that’s a lot of bravery. Maybe crochet needle.
I might go with this one. Okay. The first one that I read, Porosity, is the ability of your hair to absorb and retain moisture. Knowing your porosity is just important as knowing your curl type. Porosity ranges from low to high depending on the condition of the cuticle. Okay. Is your hair color treated or do you use heat tools more than once a week? No. How long does it take your hair to dry with no product added? It takes a long time to dry. Hours and possibly days. Yeah, for sure. It takes one to 2 hours. It dries quickly in a matter of minutes. I wish, man. Definitely go with that first option. Okay. Density. Often confused with hair thickness. Hair density measured, the amount of hair that you have on your head and the proximity of the follicles to each other. How am I supposed to know this one? Okay, part your hair down the middle. Now, without forcing the two sides to part, how much of your scalp can you see? I can’t really do this test because my hair, as I said earlier, is in braids. So obviously I can see my scalp. But I’m trying to imagine it depends how many days it’s been since I washed my hair. So the longer I go with product in my hair or put more product in my hair without washing it, it becomes more malleable and easier for me to part it into some of my scalp. So maybe I might go in the middle. I’m not going to say I have no problem seeing my scalp, and I’m not going to say I see very little of my scalp. If I can see it at all. I’m going to say can see some of my scalps come in the middle. Okay. Width. This is a lot of questions. The width or diameter of your strands affects the amount of volume that you have as well as your hair’s overall strength, their ability and ability to retain length. Oh, that’s interesting. Take a single strand between your fingers, close your eyes and then roll it between your fingers. What best describes your strand? Okay, let’s see if I can take one of my flyaways that have made an appearance. A single strand. Okay, here we go. There we go. Okay, roll it. I can feel it.
I can feel yeah, I’m going to go in the middle. I can feel the strand between my fingers. And the strand is slender. Implied length is not really a texture type category, but from big chop to hip length, the length of your hair can affect your curl pattern, shrinkage, and styling techniques. Yeah, that’s true. I’m excited to take out my braids and see how long my hair is. It’s been a while. I’m going to do some mini twists after I take these braids out and see how long it’s been. I haven’t done mini twists in about a year now. How long is your hair? Very short. Chin length, shoulder length? I would probably say shoulder length. I got to make an account. Yo. Alright, we’ll make an account just for you guys. Because I did all that work, I got to find out what the answer is. Oh, okay. I can skip it. This is okay guys, let’s read these results.
It says Congrats, you have awesome hair. Okay, that’s nice. Thank you. Here are your texture type results. My curl pattern is coily. My curl type is 4A. What? My porosity is low, my density is medium and my width is medium too. What? But when I’m looking at this picture of Solange, it does look like my hair a little bit. I guess 4A is not as loose as I thought. Okay. It says four a Bountiful. Beautiful coils. You love your coily hair. That’s why you enjoy adding thick, natural emollients. I don’t know that word. Like mango and shea butter. To maximize your wash and go twist out or band to knot out style after washing naturally. Curly recommends Co washing coily hair to help extend the time between wash stage and washing coils weekly or biweekly. Make sure to use detangling conditioners and daily leave ins or moisturizers to combat dryness. And other celebrities that have foreign hair. It’s Macy Gray, Solange Knowles and Lila James. That’s cool. They have product suggestions, but it’s very blank. I have no clue.
Okay, let’s see it says porosity. We’ve been trying to figure this out the whole episode. Okay, so that low porosity hair with low porosity has a tightly bound cuticle layer with overlapping scales that lay flat. Sounds kind of gross. This type of hair is usually considered healthy and is often very shiny, especially when it’s dark in color. Low porosity hair repels moisture when you try to wet it and it’s hard to process since it resists penetration of chemicals. Low porosity hair is also prone to build up from protein, which deep conditioning products which can leave it feeling stiff and straw like. Stick to protein free daily conditioners with humicotants. What? Such as glycerin or honey. Use moderate heat with protein free deep conditioning treatments to help open up the tightly balanced cuticle. Low porosity hair requires moisturizer rich in emollients. There’s that word again. I don’t know what that means. Such as shea butter, jehoba oil, coconut oil and mineral oil. It also benefits from humicotin—humectant products which attract and hold moisture to your hair. Choose lighter, liquid based products such as hair milks that won’t sit on your hair and leave it feeling oily or greasy. I have noticed that. Honestly, I have noticed that lighter water based moisturizers work well for my hair compared to oil based moisturizers, which is the opposite from my mom. I might have her take this quiz because this is very interesting.
Okay. Density medium Density if you have medium density hair, you can use a variety of products, styles and cuts to enhance your texture. Try mousse and dry shampoo to play up moisture or use heavier creams and butters to give your hair more weight and hang. Washing goes will allow your existing texture to shine through, while twist outs and braids work well to alter your curl hut and give it more structure. I’ve never done a wash and go. I don’t know what they’re talking about. What they’re on about wash and go? Wash and go. Like, I don’t think you understand one bit of humidity and that’s gone. Okay, let’s look at the width. They have medium width hair width. Medium width consists of strands that are strong in the last six, either too thin or too thick. Medium width hair is also somewhat resistant to damage, making it easy to maintain length. Is that true? I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out when I take out these braids. But I might have also gotten medium for density and width because I didn’t really pick a side. I was kind of, like, in the middle for both of them. So that definitely makes sense. But it’s interesting about porosity because I definitely thought porosity meant that it’s harder for if I have low porosity. I thought it meant it was harder for moisturizers to penetrate the strands. And then that meaning that it takes more moisturizers, more product to make your hair kind of easy gear to manipulate and like, moist, not dry. But it seems like that’s not the case. It says to just stick to protein free conditioners instead of protein rich conditioners. I don’t know what that means, though. Let’s look at that word. What is it? Emulates? Amolence. Let’s look at that. Okay, so that means having the quality of softening or soothing the hair. Okay, that makes sense. Well, I learned a lot from that quiz. It was actually pretty helpful. Well, I don’t know if it was helpful, but it was kind of eye opening. It’s very interesting to think that I have 4A hair. And when I saw the pictures of celebrities who have 4A hair, it didn’t look at all how I expected it to look. I feel like those diagrams, those charts that we see on Instagram are wrong because that picture did not look like the four A picture they put in those charts on Instagram. So I guess I have to restructure my thinking. I guess I’m 4A/4B. I’m a four a girly. That’s really crazy. But that was a good quiz. You guys should take it. If you’re also wondering what your hair type was, I’ll link it in the podcast description. That was really, really interesting.
Okay, so let’s talk about my journey. My journey that I had in college as I was determined to wear my hair out, my natural hair out regularly. And it was a tough one. I mean, imagine this it's your first semester of college. You’re getting used to college, getting used to college classes, living away from home for the first time. And you’re also learning how to do your hair. It's not even two months. A month and a half a month ago, you didn’t even know how to comb it. And now you’re going to go, like, where every day do your hair. It was a scary time. Also filled with lots of tears. I think that’s important. I was crying before class, crying at night when I had to braid up my hair, plat it for the night before I went to bed. And all I wanted to do was sleep or all I wanted to do was do my assignments, like and I had to I had to make sure that I was making time in my day, waking up early enough. To do my hair and waking up or staying up late enough or budgeting my time for my assignments in a way that I had time at night to braid my hair before bed. Otherwise I’d be left with literal knots in my head. And I had a white roommate, so I had to kind of explain when my hair looks, like, medusa a little bit with my plat sticking out everywhere. I felt like I had to explain to her what was going on, which really I didn’t need to explain shit, but I did it anyway because I felt obligated to. I felt like me explaining to her what I’m doing with my hair is, like, the expectation. Maybe she didn’t have the expectation, but I felt like I needed to to clear the air so she wasn’t looking at me funny or not that she would, but I don’t know what I’m saying. It just felt weird. Like, I had to explain myself when I didn’t even know how to explain it because I was still learning how to do my hair. And I also felt like I had to ease her into it. Like I had to slowly explain different things to her, which I didn’t choose my roommate. It was a random roommate, but that was another layer.
So okay, let’s let’s start from the beginning. Let’s think about all the things I was dealing with. First semester, year of college, I was getting acclimated to college classes, the rigor of it, which was a beast in itself. I was getting familiar with the new environment. Just getting to my classes was really hard because I lived on a really big campus. I was learning how to live by myself for the first time and take care of myself. I was trying to make friends. I was learning how to do my hair. And I was living with a white roommate in the midst of learning how to do my hair, which was especially difficult given that I was already feeling kind of insecure about my hair, like I hadn’t developed the secureness of my natural hair that I have now. So it’s just a lot. But I, in the first month of college, didn’t wear my natural hair. I wore braids because I was like, this is the first month. I have no idea what’s going to be going on. I don’t know. I’m dealing with too much things at once. Let me not go add learning how to do my hair every day into that bag as well. So I had braids for the first month and a half of college, which was fun. But then when it was time to take it out and go back to school, I was, like, really nervous because I was like, oh, my gosh, this is the first time they’re going to see me without my braids and with my natural hair. I don’t know how I was going to react. Like, oh my gosh, oh, my gosh, my gosh. Everyone’s going to see, oh, my gosh, I’m so nervous. And then I was building up this really big reveal. I was like, oh my God. Especially because I go to a PWI, a primarily white institution. I was like, oh my God, this is going to be crazy. Everyone’s going to be so shocked. Then I walk into my dorm, into my classes and stuff like that, and I was really underwhelmed with their reaction, to be honest. I mean, people didn’t really care. I mean, I got a couple of comments like, oh, look at the hair. But not in like a bad way or like a demeaning way. Just like they were just commenting on it. It wasn’t really compliment either. It was just like an observation. Like, your hair is different and it’s an Afro. Like, that’s what’s under the braids. Wow, look at that. But it wasn’t like malicious or anything, but they just didn’t react. I was expecting, like, something bigger than that. I was sort of like expecting, oh my gosh, Sidney, what did you do to your hair? Or, Your hair looks so nice, or, Your hair is something, but instead I got nothing. So I don’t know.
But I think, you know, if I had done that in high school, it would have been very different because those people were used to me either having straight hair or having braids. So I think because I was like the first couple of months of college and everybody was still getting to know each other, and they didn’t really have a norm of what I looked like. Usually they didn’t know if I changed my hair every other month or if that was just something that I did compared to people in high school who knew what I looked like for the past four years. So they didn’t have anything to compare it to. They just kind of, like, went, you know, they rolled with it because they were like, oh, she took her braids out. I guess this is what she does. So that was something. But next came me watching the hair tutorials on YouTube on how to do my hair. Now, those didn’t really work for me, to be honest with you. Everything that I know about my hair okay, maybe a couple of things I’ve learned from those videos, but most of them I didn’t really learn that much. I just kind of had to go through trial and error to figure out what to do with my hair or what worked best for my hair, how to position my hands. Yeah, it didn’t really help me that much. Maybe it gave me a starting point. But I personally wouldn’t recommend going to YouTube if you’re like a first time learning how to do your natural hair, it can be good for like inspiration or if you don’t even know what products to get, maybe going to those videos and seeing what they do. But for me, it didn’t really have a big impact on my journey of learning how to do my hair.
So in the beginning, I definitely stuck with the high puff, everyday high puff. And I found these like hair ties that were like supposed to be like they were like real thick, like rope, like hair ties. It was like stretchy, like the regular hair tie, but it was like thick, girthy. And I would use that and put my hair in a high ponytail. And then I learned that you could use stockings. Like I would buy cheap stockings off Amazon and cut it and I would pull it around the hair and it would be perfect. It wouldn’t pull my hair or anything like that. But the downside to that was that I would have a little tail. I would have like some stockings hanging in the back. And now people don’t really know that it’s stockings that you got cut off, stockings that you got in your head. But if you want, like, that clean high puff with just the hair and nothing hanging down, I haven’t really figured out a solution to that because I still have that maybe I would use if I didn’t want that little tail hanging down. Maybe I would use the original girthy hair tie that I have, but so I usually stuck with the high puff because I didn’t know how to do much else, and that was okay. I wore my little hat that has a little hole in the back, the hat that tennis players wear a lot with the ponytails. And I really like that hat because it hid my hairline. Now my hairline is strong. I love my hairline for doing what it does for me. But when you wear your hair in a high puff, like pull it all the way back and you want it to be taught because you want that flat part, like you want the hair not in the puff, the hair on your scalp to be flat. And so you pull your strands back really tight and it makes your forehead the center of attention. It’s on display, it’s out and about. Nothing you could do about that unless you wear one of those hats and then it makes your hairline look lower and I don’t know, something about it, though, for all looking. I like it, but I can’t wear the hat and then take off the hat because then I feel like I get, like, hairline dysmorphia or something, because I’m like, dang it’s that far back. This is why I put the hat back on. I liked it better with the hat kind of thing. So, yeah, I was mainly doing high puffs and barely making it to even do that, to take the hair out the platts from the night before and combing it and getting it taut and put it in that high puff and then braiding it again at night.
And then I graduated to some little buns. Now, my hair I have a lot of hair, so I wouldn’t put them in, like, one low bun. I would part the hair in two, and then I would have two little mini buns. What are they called? I don’t know. But I had two little mini buns at the tops of my head, and that was really cute for a little bit. Cute little moment. But then I discovered something really revolutionary. I discovered the mini twist. Now that changed my world, because now I could twist my hair and I wouldn’t have to touch it. Really, like, I wouldn’t have to comb it or anything for a good two weeks. That was just amazing to me. And not only did I not have to comb it for two weeks ago, obviously I put moisturizer and product in it and stuff like that, but my hair would, like, swing. Like, it would hang down. And it felt good to have my own hair hanging on my neck, if that makes sense, like, brushing my shoulders. I felt like, wow, okay.
So actually let me back up. My twists were not that long. They were, like, maybe to the bottom of my chin, like, to my neck, not my neck. To, like, my the bottom of my ears. So I was rocking the mini twist that a lot of guys be rocking nowadays. But I was I was living. I was like, wow, I’m advanced. I can do a new hairstyle. This is crazy. You know, you can put it in a ponytail. I can put in a bun. It was like, whoa, I’m really that girl. But then two of my friends from high school came to visit me in college, which, you know, is exciting, especially when you’re in college, and it feels like, am I making friends or am I not? Am I making enough friends? Nobody was hanging out with me, that type of life. So you get really excited when your friends from high school come to visit you. And I had my little twists, and I was excited. I was excited to show them my twists. And I get there, and I see their car parked, and they are excited to see me, and they’re looking at my hair, and I’m looking at them, we’re smiling, and then they start laughing. And I’m like, okay, what’s funny? And they’re like, laughing. Now, keep in mind these two girls, they’re Asian, and they’re also a year younger than me. So just for context, but they’re laughing, and I’m like, okay, they’re just being ridiculous. They’re just being whatever. And then they’re like, whispering to each other and laughing and looking at me, and I’m like, what is so funny, actually? What’s funny? And I’m just ignoring them. I’m not even paying them any attention. And then later, the other one, not the one that started laughing first, but the other one was like, oh. She was like, do you know wanna know what she said? And I was like, yeah, I guess. And she was like, she said that when your hair looks like that, you look like a lesbian.
Now, I did not like that. So for many reasons, I’m straight, and it’s not like being called a lesbian or anything is an insult. But it felt like a comment on my femininity to some extent. Not that there’s not fem lesbians or anything like that, but at this time, the way that it felt like they were talking about it is that I was looking masculine, like I was a masculine lesbian. And it really hurt my feelings. It really did. I was in my feelings. After that, of course, I had to pretend like it didn’t bother me. I get rolled off my shoulders or whatever. Like Jinx Monsoon says, water off a duck’s back type of thing. That’s what I had to pretend like and pretend like I’m enjoying the rest of my time with them.
Like that one comment didn’t let destroy all of my self confidence and my ability to do my hair and my femininity and all those things.
Like I was really near tears. But I don’t know, that one really hurt. And sometimes I feel like I still haven’t done my hair like that because that one kind of hurt a lot. But I’m going to do it this weekend. And I think mainly it was because the hair was short. My hair had only been natural for maybe three years at this point, maybe two and a half years. So my hair was still growing. But that one really hurt. And that one put me backwards for a little bit. I still did my little twist out moments just because of convenience. But when I did wear it, I didn’t wear it out. I put it in a little bun or like I pinned it up so that it looked more feminine. But when you’re talking to black women, especially if you yourself are not a black woman, you should be mindful about what you’re saying about their hair. Not that you have any right to comment on their hair, really, because you have no idea what’s going on. But just keep in mind that you don’t know how your words impact others because that one really hurt me, and I honestly still have not told them about how their words hurt me, and maybe that makes me a little bit of a wimp. Maybe that says something about me and confrontation—which I have gotten much better at confrontation. I just didn’t tell them. I just felt like they wouldn’t understand, especially people that weren’t black. And I remember one of them telling me, well, okay, the one that laughed first, she’s a Trump supporter, which I didn’t know at the time. Now, I know we don’t talk to each other, but she’s a Trump supporter, so I guess that makes sense. Things are clicking about why she might have views like that and say insensitive things. But the other one, who is Asian, one time, I remember in passing talking to her, we’re still friends, and I was like, yeah, well, your hair is like white people hair. It’s, like, straight. And she’s like, My hair is not like white people’s hair. I’m Asian my hair is not like theirs. And I was like, all right, okay. I get that. But I was just saying that it was straight, that you can run a comb through your hair and not break the comb. Like, you and me are not the same. My hair cannot do that. So I think there’s a lot of not to say ignorance. I mean, I guess it is ignorance, but it’s just like, a lot of women of color who are not black and don’t deal with kinky coily hair, don’t have exposure and don’t really understand what it is that woman with that hair type goes through, because it’s a humbling experience. It will humble you so fast. Oh, my gosh. If they have to deal with even a fifth of what I have to deal with with my hair, they would not—I don’t know. They wouldn’t be able to do it. I mean, I guess they would. They would have to, but they really don’t understand. And I’m not trying to create an us versus them type of mentality, like a black people versus non black people of color, but it is something to think about for both parties, really. So, yeah, that comment really damaged my pride.
But going into the pandemic, because my freshman year was cut short during the pandemic, I had to do a lot of zoom classes. And if you’ve ever worn your natural hair to a zoom, you know exactly what I’m about to talk about. When I would go to these zoom classes, right? And I had my natural hair out in a little high puff, it did not look like how it looked in real life. Like, I was sitting there on the camera thinking to myself, like, wanting to type in chat. Like, I promise I don’t look like this in real life. I promise the hairstyle looks better in person. I don’t know what to say. Like, why does zoom make my natural hairstyle when I wear my puffs look like such a weird shape. And it places, like, excessive emphasis on my forehead. Like, that forehead is shining. Like I just greased it with Vaseline or something. I’m like, oh, my God. I’m like, what’s going on here? And so after maybe, like three weeks of classes like that on Zoom, where I was feeling kind of insecure and didn’t even really want to talk in class for, you know, when the the whole screen would become my big ass forehead when I speak, I decided that I was going to teach myself how to do box braids. And I was like, what better time than during the pandemic? Because if I mess up, you won’t really be able to tell that much on the camera. And it’s like, I’m not going nowhere. We are in a quarantine type situation. Like, this is the perfect time. If there’s ever going to be a time, now is the time. So I did that.
I remember very specifically watching I watched my first ever episode of Great British Bake Off while doing my hair because it was like, I’m going to start a new series. And that was the one. I had a lot of episodes. So I started that, and it was horrendous. It was real bad. Okay, so if you saw it, you wouldn’t think it was that bad. But now that I know what I know, I’ve been braiding my hair with box braids for about two years now. That was real bad. There was just, like, lumpy braids. They were doing all sorts of things. And there were tears because trying to master that first couple twists of the braid to make sure that the extension hair is secure on your scalp, that’s a skill that takes a lot of time to master. But it was really hard. It took a long time. I would say it probably took me about maybe 12-16 hours, maybe two days. And it looked bad. Like, I spent 16 hours on my hair, and it looked pretty bad. But at the time, I was like, oh, shoot. I really killed it. I really did that. My mom did have to come in and help me do some of them because I was near tears at some point. But I was still proud of myself. I was like, wow, I really did that. And when I went on Zoom, I felt so much better. Like, I was like, yeah, I feel more like I feel more like myself. And I feel like I have more confidence on the Zoom camera on my forehead. I can hide it with my little braid bangs. And I was really rocking it. Even if it looked bad. I was rocking that to the grocery store and everything. I was like, yeah, I know I look good. Even though it looked pretty bad. Like, if I saw what I had looked like, now, knowing what I know about how to do braids, I would be like, that’s a DIY. That’s a DIY hairstyle right there. Props you for trying, but you got a long way to go.
So, yeah, I just kept trying. I braided my hair and took it out during the pandemic and got better and better and better and experimented with different hair lengths and different hair colors. And I’m just getting better and better and better. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn, but I’m really proud of how far I’ve come with learning how to do my own box braids. And I’m saving a lot of money. I’m saving a lot of money. It does take a long time to do it, but I’m saving so much money right now that it makes it worth it most of the time. Most of the time, not when I’m reaching the end of braiding my hair and I’m like, I can’t do it. I can’t do it anymore. I’m going to cry. Like, those are those are moments when I’m like, I should just pay the 300, $400 and call it a day. But most times I’m feeling like, yeah, I’m really that girl who knows how to do her own box braids. Like, that’s how I feel most of the time. And then I also, while I was experimenting with box braids, did a little brief dipping my toes into the wig world. I bought this wig. It was like $50 on Amazon. And I was like, yeah, I’m going to learn how to do wigs, too. I mastered box braids. Wigs are next. Like, I’m going to learn how to do all the hairstyles and nobody’s going to be able to stop me.
That didn’t work out too well. Wigs are hard. I don’t even also know how to cornrow. So that made wigs even harder for me. Like wigs are hard. It didn’t work out too well for me. I still have my wig in there. It hasn’t been touched in probably a year and a half. Wigs are really hard. Props to my wig girls, please teach me because that was rough. My lace was not looking invisible. And also I think that’s because I bought a cheap wig, I bought cheap wig because I wanted to practice. But I guess maybe I should just invest more in the wig and maybe that would help me get the effect that I want. But I feel like going out in a bad wig or a wig that’s not put on right is so much more like it has so much more of a taboo than wearing box braids that maybe aren’t installed perfectly. So didn’t do that. I’ve only ever wear my wig out with a hat covering the edges.
And another thing about doing your natural hair, whether it’s when it doesn’t have extensions in it or if it does, you have to make time to do your hair. You have to essentially clear your schedule to do your hair. Which is what’s something I’m struggling with now, as I was talking about earlier in the episode, is that I don’t even have time to take out my hair right now. I want to wash my hair and comb my hair out so freaking bad, but I literally cannot. I literally don’t have time because I have to go to class and I have to do my finals, and I have to go to my internship, which is something that a lot of people with straight hair I don’t have to worry about. And it feels like I feel jealous of them. I envy them. I’m like, how am I supposed to get to the same point as you in life? How am I supposed to be successful, have the same opportunities as you in life? If I have to go through all of this just to feel like I can look presentable, like if I have to schedule three days, clear my schedule for three days to do my hair when they could be doing their assignments. They could be applying for internships. They could be doing a residence and job interviews. They could be doing all of these things with their time. And I have to dedicate such a large chunk of time to my hair. Like this past October, when I braided my hair, I had to clear my schedule. It took me two days, probably about 16 hours, to braid my hair. I mean, I took a lot of breaks, but that was time I could have spent working on my lesson plans or working on my assignments or at my part time job. That’s valuable time for me to be achieving things. So it’s really frustrating sometimes to have to bend to the will of your hair and feeling like you’re a disadvantage just because of the type of hair that goes out of your head. And this is not even getting into people’s perceptions of your natural hair and how that can be a disadvantage. This is just talking about taking care of your hair. So it’s really frustrating and really something that I’m trying to come to terms with. I’m trying not to focus on thinking about all the things I could be doing. So spending hours on my hair and thinking about how this is a version, a form of self care for me, this is something, even if it feels kind of annoying or sometimes drives me to tears, this is something that I do to take care of myself and to feel confident in myself. And also, it does save time. So while I did spend 16 hours over the weekend doing my hair, I literally don’t have to worry about my hair in the mornings or the nighttimes that much. So it’s kind of worth it. It’s like a long term pay off, but it’s still a lot more than people who are not who don’t have a similar hair texture have to worry about.
I try or I aim to get my hair done by someone else at least once a year. I got my hair done last February, so I’m almost due to get my hair done again by someone else just because it’s kind of like a little luxury that you do because I work hard to do my own hair. But I also deserve to be pampered a little bit and have someone else do my hair, even though that’s expense you can maybe put aside for at least once a year. And obviously they do it better because they’re pros. But it’s really hard to find time and to find a hairstylist that you trust and all those things, especially when you put so much effort into taking care of your hair. It’s really hard to kind of relinquish that control and get it back to someone once you’ve mastered or once you’ve taken on the role of being the primary caretaker of your hair. Lately, though, I’ve been wanting to get a Silk press. I haven’t had time. I feel like there’s only like four months when you can really get a Silk Press and enjoy it. Like, there’s that end of November until the middle of February months where you can get your Silk press and then the cold weather, the lack of humidity will keep your Silk Press looking fresh. But during these cold months, I’ve been too busy with finals. Last year I was taking a winter class. I don’t have time to do that, but I haven’t straightened my hair since graduation, high school graduation. So I would really love to see what my hair looks like. I’m a little scared, honestly, because what if I just have like a million split ends and I have to cut all my hair off? Literally. Worst nightmare.
But then also if I don’t find those split ends now and cut them off, it’s just going to get worse and worse. But I have been wanting to get a Silk Press soon. I’ve never gotten a Silk Press and everybody’s always talking about it. Those memes about Kamala Harris, whatever they be putting in her Silk Press is what I want. I need a little giggle time too. Singing the bus go round and round. Yeah, so I’ve been wanting to get also, Passion Twist is something that I want to get. I installed Passion Twist on myself about two years ago. I haven’t tried it since then. I could probably do it again and do it better, to be honest. But that was really frustrating to do on my own hair. That one was because the hair is like a certain way and you have to twist a certain way, otherwise you got to redo it. And then it was confusing, but I liked how it turned out. It didn’t last very long, though. Maybe it’s because I did like, bigger chunks than, like, smaller ones. So I guess maybe next time I’ll do smaller ones. Actually, that might be my beginning hairstyle before the semester starts. I always like to, when the semester begins, do a hairstyle. That takes a lot of time because I might not have the time to do like an intricate hairstyle again until like, the end of the semester. So yeah, I might do that. I might do some Lisa Bonet type hairstyle I was talking about. I got distracted. I always get distracted on this podcast.
I was talking about hairstyles that I want to try, that I want other people to do for me. I want to go get done at a hair hairstylist. So I want to get faux locs again because that’s what I got last year. I want to get fulani braids, and I want to get a silk press. Obviously, that already breaks my rule of only getting my hair done once a year, but maybe I’ll spoil myself a little bit this year, next year, even though 2023, maybe I’ll indulge a little bit. Maybe not saying all of that to say I am really proud of how far I’ve come. I think if my younger self from that summer after I graduated high school knew what I’ve done to my hair and how far what I’m able to do my hair, like, what kinds of styles I’m able to put in my hair, she would be like, in awe. She’d be so proud of myself. She’d be proud of myself if I told her that I just knew how to comb my hair. So, I mean, the bar is low, but regardless, she would be proud of myself. And that’s something that I have to keep remembering when I’m struggling with my hair or I’m feeling frustrated with my hair. I just have to remember how far I’ve come since that summer, the summer of 2019.
In the future, I do want to try to get into wigs again. I think wigs are fun, a fun, protective style. So I really want to get good at that. But it feels really intimidating and daunting. Like, I need to buy a bunch of things to be able to be good at that. And I don’t really feel like buying a bunch of things right now. But one of these days I will get into wigs and we’ll talk about how it’s been going. For me as I try to do that. I also really we need to learn how to cornrow. Maybe I probably should learn that before I get into wigs. But when I did do wigs in the past, when I tried to learn a little bit of it, I would put my hair in the mini twist and then I would flat twist it because that was a little bit easier to me, especially when I don’t have to worry about each individual strand. I can just get like, each individual twist and kind of cornrow it. So I probably would start there again. Really, it just requires practice and learning how to hold my hands. In a certain position that makes corn rowing easier for me. So I think that’s what I will do. I will put my hair in mini twist and then practice flat twisting it and then graduate to cornrowing and then cornrow when my hair is just loose, not in twist form like practice makes perfect.
But practice is really frustrating. Getting through that beginning phase when nothing is working right, you don’t know what you’re doing is so frustrating. Like, it really is. So I just have to get through that and then I’ll be all good. I’ll be looking towards bigger and better things of how to become a real hair connoisseur. A 4C. Well, I guess 4A. Oh my gosh, I have to change my title now. I’m going to title this podcast teaching myself how to do my 4C hair. But the quiz say I don’t even have 4C hair. I don’t know, I might leave it. Sorry for the clickbait, but I really did think I had 4C hair when I planned this episode out.
I think I’m going to end the podcast episode there. Make sure to follow the podcast on Instagram @jumblepodcast. And I hope you guys had a wonderful day today as we approach the holidays. I hope you’ve guys are going to be able to spend a lot of time with your family, if not family, I hope you guys are just going to be able to spend time relaxing, rejuvenating before 2023 starts and everything gets back into motion again. And I hope tomorrow is even better than it was today for you and me both because honestly, I need it too.
Comments