June 25, 2023
episode description
Oh yeah! I'm reading more books by black authors and reviewing them. I had a whole lot to say about the book Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow in this episode as I discussed scenes in the book that shocked me to my core and others that left me wanting more (oh my gosh that rhymed).
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transcript
I finally finished reading Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow and honestly, the reason I started reading this book was solely because of how pretty the cover was. The cover is so gorgeous with the colors are just so vibrant and I was like this cover is so good.
I have no doubt that the inside of this book is going to be really good. How could you have a cover like this and not have a banger book?
I bought this book in February during Black History Month because I really wanted to increase the amount of black authors that I had in my book collection. And so I had this phase where I was just buying a bunch of books by black authors.
I bought like five books and I had no time to read them. So now I'm catching up. I'm reading my books by black authors, having a great time. But this was one of like the first ones that I've started reading.
So in the cover— like you know the part of the cover where they give you a little blurb about what the story is about, there's this one quote that stood out to me. And it was: "The things that women do for the sake of their daughters."
And I feel like that's a really powerful sentence, a really powerful one liner that kind of gives you the whole vibe of the book, the whole vibe of the story.
So this book follows four black women in the same family, and each of the women are from a different generation except for two of them who are sisters, but they're kind of from a different like generation because they're six or seven or five years apart, like a sizable enough gap where there's a little bit of generational differences.
So it's about four black women who are essentially fighting to create a life for themselves that they can take pride in, that they can look back on and feel that they tried their best with what they had and like they made the best of it. That's kind of like the overarching idea of what's going on in this book.
But to get even more into the nitty gritty of what this book is about I would say that this book is about Black pain. Trying to avoid it, experiencing it, and healing from it.
And I feel like black pain is so poignant and deep. It's just so different than like regular pain, like Black pain is so gut wrenching, you know?
It's like the type of pain you feel where you're like powerless, there's nothing you can do about it except like pick yourself up and try to keep going, you know? You either know what I'm talking about or you don't. Anyway, this book is set up in a way that's like, it has multiple poinst of view, kind of reminiscent of The Vanishing Half by Britt Bennett, if you've read that book. Because it does like the time jump thing too, and it's not necessarily chronological or anything like that, but it still somehow, even within these time jumps, makes a cohesive plotline within it.
So yeah, that's like a little bit about like the vibe of the book, what you can expect going into this book.
But I wanted to talk about this book a little bit more in like a non-spoiler review as I always do. I start with my non-spoiler review and then we get into the the nitty gritty, all of the the details in the spoiler review. The first thing I want to talk about in the non spoiler review is the book dedication.
This immediately stood out to me and now that I've read the book, I can see why the author chose this as the book dedication. But in the beginning (before I read the book), I was like, what's going on? What is this dedication about? And I also kind of felt like I could pinpoint when this book was being either written or edited and it dated the book not in a bad way, but like in a historical way. This book was probably written during the black lives matter resurgence in 2020. The reason I say that is because this book is dedicated to Gianna Floyd, who is George Floyd's daughter.
So, here's what the dedication says. And it's actually a poem. It says: "To Miss Gianna Floyd, I wrote you a black fairy tale. I understand if you're not ready to read it yet, or if your mama told you to wait a bit, and that's just fine. This book ain't going nowhere. This book's gonna be right here, whenever you want it. Whenever you get finished playing outside in that bright, beautiful world your daddy loves so much. It's right to set this aside. Lord knows not a soul on this earth gonna blame you for being out in it, running, laughing, breathing."
I really liked the last line of this poem because it felt like Gianna Floyd had to go through something so... I don't even have the words for it. Like that's, can you imagine? Can you imagine going through that? Having to understand what happened to your father and the place that he has in history is crazy to me at such a young age. And so really focusing on the fact that Gianna Floyd right now should be running, laughing, and breathing.
That should be the only thing that she's focused on, you know, being a kid and not having to go to press conferences and speak in front of the microphone and going to be the daughter of a man who, for better or worse, is a part of American history now.
But the experience that you have before you even begin reading the story of this book doesn't even end there.
Right after that page, after the book dedication to Gianna Floyd, there is a Toni Morrison quote in the beginning of it. And I honestly have never heard of this quote from Toni Morrison, so when I read it I was like yes, another banger by Toni Morrison. Another hit. Another instance where Toni Morrison has got it all figured out.
So the quote says: "For years in this country, there was no one for black men to vent their rage on except black women. And for years, black women accepted that rage, even regarded that acceptance as their unpleasant duty. But in doing so, they frequently kicked back, and they seem never to have become the true slave that white women see in their own history.True, the black woman did the housework, the drudgery. True, she reared the children, often alone. But she did all of that while occupying a place on the job market. A place her mate could not get or which his pride would not let him accept. And she had nothing to fall back on. Not maleness, not whiteness, not ladyhood, not anything. And out of the profound desolation of her reality, she may very well have invented herself."
And that's a quote from Toni Morrison, from a piece from the New York Times, I guess? That's titled, What the Black Woman Thinks About Women's Liberation, or Women's Lib. And it just kind of is like, talking about the fact that black women don't fit into the civil rights movement all the way and they don't fit into the women's liberation movement all the way because it's like you're trying to fight for all of your rights.
The intersectionality of the identity of a black woman is like, you know, you're black and a woman, but when you're in the civil rights movement, you're fighting for black rights, right? And then when you're in the women's movement, you're fighting for women's rights. But it's so often it feels like you are fighting for one or the other and not both of them.
You're fighting for black rights or you're fighting for women's rights, but you're not fighting for the rights of black women. But it was interesting to me and it was like very interesting to think about this unique place in society that black women occupy. The fact that black women are seen as hyper-masculine so they can't rely on that femininity to protect them in the way that a lot of white women are able to. The fact that we are Black. We are not white.
It's such an interesting identity to have, really. Like, it's such a, a powerful identity to have.
And I agree with the fact that black women had to invent an identity for themselves. Invent a strongness for themselves in order to exist and succeed in the society that we exist in. In the American society.
Anyway, the author of this book grew up in Memphis, and this book kind of feels like a love letter to the city that she loves, but it's the kind of love letter that's not like romanticizing the city. It's being brutally honest. It describes the city in a way that makes it clear that she loves Memphis, but also that she's not disillusioned as to the history of Memphis or the realities of what it's like to live in Memphis at the different time periods that the book covers.
Some things that come up a lot in this book is a celebration of darker skin tones. I feel like every ten pages it was talking about how beautiful dark skin is and like re-emphasizing that dark skin is beautiful, dark skin is beautiful, dark skin is beautiful, and not in a way that was like shoving it down your throat, but kind of like a reminder. Like a kind of reminder that's like if I tell you enough times, you will start to believe it as true if you didn't believe it before, you will start to embody that feeling.
I especially love the way that the author described darker skin tones in a way that made you feel like dark skin is beautiful. In a way that made you believe that dark skin is beautiful. Because it feels like so often it's like, you hear that dark is beautiful, but do you really believe it?
You know what I'm saying? Like, do you really? In your soul, in your heart, believe it? Because I mean, that's like a complicated question. Especially for black people that have grown up in a world where you've been told your whole life that dark skin is not beautiful. In a world where you're bleaching your own skin.
So you kind of have to do some... reverse psychology? I don't know if that's the right term. But you kind of do some like reverse engineering, undoing all of those years, all of those layers of hatred towards darker skin tones, even if you yourself have that darker skin tone. But there's this one quote, this one description that of dark skin that I thought was so beautiful.
The quote goes, "Her skin was so dark it reflected all the other colors surrounding it. The yellow of the morning light, the yellow of the door, the peach tan of the calico cat weaving in and out of Maya's short legs."
I thought that was so beautiful. The idea of dark skin reflecting these colors, embodying these colors, it kind of made me envision like a stained glass when the light hits the stained glass and the colors reflect off of everything.
That's what it made me think of, like the stained glass colors reflecting off of the darker skin tone. And it kind of reminds me of Moonlight, that movie, if you've seen like the posters for it, how the purples and the blues reflect off his dark skin is beautiful. This continual celebration of darker skin tones was something that I couldn't help but notice as I was reading the book.
But I also want to give a content warning for domestic abuse and sexual assault. There are those two themes, they are pivotal events in this book that influences the book from the beginning all the way to the end. So, you know, if you're thinking about reading this book, just being aware that those themes are in this book.
But me personally this book took me, like, forever to finish. Like, literally two months. Probably more than that. Now, granted, I did sometimes just put this book aside because I was so busy getting ready for graduation and finishing my college semester.
But honestly, if I really, really am into a book, if I really, really want to finish the book. I'm gonna finish it. I'm gonna procrastinate doing my homework to finish that book. But this book didn't like give me that vibe like it didn't leave me wanting more after every page, you know, it didn't like rock my world.
You know what I'm talking about? Those books were like after you finish reading a part of it, like a chapter or even like a page or even the whole book it makes you like lay on the floor in shock after reading it. Like you just have to like absorb everything that you just read.
One book that did that to me was A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas. That book rocked my world, like for real. I had to lay on the floor after I read that book. Also the ending of A Court of Thorns and Roses. That one also rocked my world. I was like, yo, what?
But this book didn't do that for me. It was just like, it was just alright. Like, it was, I mean, there were some scenes where I was really, really like, yes! This is, this is amazing. But for the most part, the book... Like it didn't leave me like itching to pick it up again. I think that was part of the reason why it took me so long to finish it.
So saying all that to say, I would rate this book a 6/10. I don't know, like, I feel kinda bad, I feel bad rating it like that.
Like, I want to support my black authors, but I gotta be honest, like, it was a 6/10 for me personally. And I'm like, rating it as a reader and not a writer, like how much enjoyment I got out of reading the whole book, and I feel like I, because there was only one or two scenes that really made me feel something, that I have to rate it like this.
For most of the book, I was just like waiting for those scenes to happen again, but it didn't come for me. And you know what I say, a good book is supposed to make you feel something, anything. And this book, it didn't make me feel that much. Like it made me feel stuff sometimes, but most of the time I was like— bored is a strong word.
It made me feel like it was just okay. It was just whatever. I was vibing but I was also not excited. I wasn't excited to pick it up again. I mean, all in all, I'm glad that I read the book, but I don't think this is a book that I'd read again.
I feel like this is a book that would stay on my shelf because the cover is so pretty. I'm like, maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I've been reading books that are dynamite back to back that now I'm like this one was just alright. And maybe the book was fine.
Maybe the book is great. But especially because it has so many similarities to The Vanishing Half in the way that it has the timelines, the time jumps, and the different perspectives. The Vanishing Half blows this book out of the water, to be honest with you.
But, this book is worth discussing, which is why I'm making a whole episode about it, so take that as you will.
To end this non spoiler section of the review, I wanted to talk about the fantastic portrayal that this book has of the Black community, like the idea of a black community. And I feel like really that's what this whole book is centered around: the black community that is found in Memphis. The setting that this whole book surrounds.
There's this one section in particular where the whole community comes in to help raise these girls. Whether it's learning how to tie your shoes, learning how to fish, learning how to ride a bike. The whole community is helping to raise them.
And there was this one quote that I'm going to end this section on. I feel like you cannot write this quote unless you've been around black people.
Now, remember I said at the beginning of this review that this book is about Black pain. But, the thing that's so unique about Black pain is that there's always joy amidst the black pain. You cannot have Black pain without Black joy.
I feel like when I see movies about white stories, right and they're like really going through it. I don't always find pure, unfiltered joy within these moments. Within their moments of suffering, like there might be like some lightheartedness or maybe some comedy to dispel the tension. But it's never like true, unfiltered joy. I'm thinking of that one, I didn't read the book, but, I watched a movie with Tom Hanks, A Man Called Otto or something like that, and I'm thinking about that type of story where this man, this white man, is really, really going through it.
And there are moments of like, like that's kind of like where you would laugh within this like tragedy or whatever, but it's not, it doesn't compare to Black joy, like truly. And I feel like honestly, that example was a little bit... Not 100% the example that I'm going for, because there are like people of color in the movie, the Hispanic family was really funny.
So, I feel like they kinda contributed to those moments of comedy, and I'm like, if it was a white family, would it have been the same? I don't know. I don't know. Nobody does it like people of color, you know?
Anyway, so, the quote that I'm talking about, I spent all this time talking about is: "The framed record covers on the walls shook with the laughter. Laughter that was, in and of itself, Black. Laughter that could break glass. Laughter that could uplift a family. A cacophony of black female joy in a language private to them."
I mean, if you've ever been in a room full of black people that are laughing, like truly laughing, tears in their eyes, heads thrown back, you know exactly what that quote is talking about.
Exactly the type of black joy that is all the more poignant within moments of Black pain.
Anyway, so now we're gonna jump into the spoiler review. So if you have not read the book, come back when you have. But if you don't want to read the book, and you're like, I still kind of want to know a little bit more, then this is the time, because I'm about to go into it.
So, the first scene that I want to talk about is the red shoes scene. If you read this book, this honestly was my favorite part of the entire book. Like this part, I don't know, I feel like this part came so early in the book and it was so good that it made me like, like expect that same level from the rest of the book, which I kind of like didn't get.
This scene was so good and there was not another scene that was, like, as good as this scene in the rest is a book and it came so early. So I was kind of disappointed. Kind of let down. What I mean by the red shoes scene is that there's a scene in the book where Miriam is about to leave her husband.
He gets physically abusive when they argue, but actually this scene kind of reminds me of the Diary of a Mad Black Woman, that Tyler Perry movie. Because in this scene, Jax (her husband) is being celebrated because he's getting some type of military promotion or whatever, and Miriam shows up to the event in like this crazy gold dress and she's wearing red shoes. She looks amazing, but the dress code for these events is like black dresses only for women and Miriam is wearing a gold dress that is a like shiny sparkly dress.
So she obviously is standing out a lot. And this obviously pisses her husband off because I feel like I got a little bit of vibe from the scene where Jax has like that black man complex where he's like wanting to show up and show out in front of all the white people. And so this is like embarrassing to him that his wife is not following the status quo.
And it's embarrassing for him to the point where he says she looks like a goddamn fool.
Like, dang. I was like, dang man, I get that you're embarrassed and people are paying attention to you thinking like what the heck is she wearing. But I feel like that reaction is why I felt like he was like like trying to show up and show out in front of all the white people or all the Marines or whatever to maintain a certain like image in front of these people but this scene is basically like the breaking point— Well no, I take that back it's not the breaking point in their relationship.
It's the point where Miriam realizes that she is going to leave him. She's gonna leave him. This is the time. This is the exact moment when she realizes it and her husband's friend a fellow Marine is trying to explain to, her trying to convince her not to leave him. And so he tells her this story about when he was with him in the field or whatever, when he was when he was deployed and they were fighting in the war. Whatever war it was.
I actually can't remember. However, they're fighting in the war and he tells her this like really really horrifying story about when they were like going into a building and making sure it was all clear and they heard noises in one of these rooms. So they like shot up the room because they heard noises. They didn't look in the room.
They just shot it up. And then when they like didn't hear any more noise, they went in to see what was going on and it was just a bunch of kids. They had slaughtered a room full of kids and one of these kids was wearing red shoes and the red shoes haunted the husband (whose name is Jax). They like haunted him to the point where like he's traumatized by any red shoes.
So The fact that Miriam is wearing red shoes in this scene is like— Jax's friend is basically saying that the red shoes set him off even more. Like, why the hell would you wear those red shoes? You're gonna set him off even more because red shoes are like a trauma, they incite anger in him because he's probably angry at himself for killing all these kids.
And Miriam, Miriam's reaction is that she thinks the story is horrifying. She says, "The story was horrifying. It was. But she was no stranger to fear, terror, grief, rage. She thought of Jax sitting in his armchair in the early hours that morning, black coffee in hand, saying with a bitter coldness, having you for a mother is worse than having no mother at all."
Damn. Like. That was cold. That was nasty for him to say that to her, but he, I guess, became like such a disgusting person as a result of what he experienced when he was deployed. And so like Jax's friend is basically saying like, go easy on him. He has gone through a lot. And so that's why he's not the Jax you remember.
But honestly. Jax's trauma does not excuse, does not justify him enacting it upon another person, upon Miriam with, you know, the words that he's using, the poisonous words he's using. And the literal fists, literally beating her up. And the reason this red shoes scene, was so crazy to me was because when Miriam remembers, like, what he said, that having you for a mother is worse than having no mother at all. She looks at Jax's friend, dead in the eyes, and was like, "I'm glad." And then his friend is like confused, like what do you mean you're glad that you're wearing like red shoes, you're like setting him off, like why are you glad? And then she says, "That nigga will remember the night I leave him."
Oh my god. I was like, I had to put the book down, I was like, That is crazy. That is a crazy line! Like, that, wow. That's what reading's all about, you know? Like, that gives you chills. Like, she is gonna walk past him in those red shoes and say, basically like, remember the night I leave you, wearing the red shoes, the same color that the that you murdered kid was wearing.
Remember all of your sins, basically. And remember that you enacted a sin upon me as well. Just like you did to that kid that you killed. All of these are your sins, and you're gonna remember them. Because this is the night I leave you. This is the night it's like our relationship is over.
That was, that was crazy. So that was my favorite scene in the whole book. Like, that was my favorite part. But another thing I wanted to talk about with this book was the relationship between Joan and Derek. This is what I was talking about. This is another part I was talking about in the content warnings.
So, in the book, it's established that Derek has raped Joan when Joan was really, really young. I don't know how young she was. I don't remember off the top of my head. I think she was like five-ish, somewhere in that age range. And this event, like, this messes up the whole family. Like, it literally, like, shatters the whole family.
Because, you know, first of all, that's incest. Joan and Derek are cousins. But like, it's like, now Miriam... cannot come back to her home without remembering what Derek has done to Joan. It's like her home is tainted by what has happened, what's occurred in that house. And that was like, sickening to me a little bit because Miriam's father, Myron, built this house for her mother.
Like, he literally built this house. Like, each brick, each piece of wood was built with love for the woman that he loved, right? So for this, for something like this to have happened in that house is like, so sickening. It's like, ugh. It's really horrible. But the book mainly focuses on the fallout of this event and how the sisters, August, which is Derek's mother, and Miriam, which is Joan's mother are trying to pick up the pieces of their family after this event. And so this event, like this, this part of the story becomes all the more important after Miriam leaves Jax, after the red shoes scene because she has nowhere else to go except for her home, right?
So Miriam is leaving Jax, and she has to go back and bring her daughters with her back into the home where Derek lives. The man who has raped, or not really the man, the boy who has raped one of her daughters. And I kind of wanted to see Miriam's turmoil of having to live with Derek a little bit more in this book, a little bit earlier in the book, but we see it later in the book.
But I wanted to see it a little bit more intensely, sooner in the book. I wanted to feel her rage and helplessness at her reality. The reality that she has nowhere to go except the house where the rapist of her daughter lives and it's poignant to me, it's important to me because it feels like Miriam escapes her own monster, right? Her husband Jax who abuses her, just to like damn her daughter with her daughter's monsters, right? Her daughter's rapist. Her daughter has to live in the same house as the boy who raped her.
Like I feel like that's something that I wanted like to be focused on even more and I mean, we do see it a little bit.
Like there's this one quote that says, "Derek was a rabid dog, and her girls, though lion hearted, were still children. Miriam loved her sister and was grateful for shelter, but she felt a different kind of shame, a deeper kind, when she would glance from Joan to Derek across the kitchen table."
So we know that she feels like shame for the fact that she has nowhere to go except for her old childhood home where her sister lives with her son— the son who raped her daughter. You know what I'm saying? Like, we see, we see that a little bit, but I wanted to feel like her, like, I don't know, like disgust in herself at the situation that she's gotten themselves into or something, something like really, really strong and like heart wrenching instead of just like shame.
Or like if there was shame, something that made that shame a little bit like more. I don't know what I'm saying, but you get it. I wanted something more. Something that like left me like reeling kind of thing. But I thought it was interesting that the book talks about Jax blaming Miriam for what had happened to Joan.
That's why he said having no mother at all is better than having you for a mother. Which... That was crazy to me. That was crazy. I mean, I could see how in that situation your first instinct is to blame whoever was there, right? Because Miriam went home to Memphis with her daughters and that's when it happened, like when the daughters were under her care.
But it was really wild to me, especially given that he was like abusive. Like I was like, he's got a lot of fucking nerve to say that to her. Like what? What are you talking about? Like, she should have just slapped him clear across his face for saying that. For just having the nerve to let those words come out of his mouth.
I would have been so blown if he said that to me. Especially because of that scene where he chokes her while she's pregnant with his second daughter. Like, he gets so enraged with her about the the whole thing happening to Joan that he is choking his pregnant wife outside of the hospital. Does he conveniently have amnesia that he did this? Like this is also doing harm onto your daughter, your unborn daughter, you choking your pregnant wife.
That is just so crazy to me. So crazy. And it's like, okay, he has PTSD, right? And he may have bouts of anger, of rage, where he cannot control himself. Because the PTSD has fundamentally changed how his brain functions. But that's still like, that's still just wild to me. Like, you've got a lot of fucking nerve, man.
A lot of nerve. I don't know how she dealt with him. Like, honestly, it just makes the red shoes scene so much more, deserved. Like, he deserved that.
Anyway, there's this one quote where Miriam first experiences physical abuse at Jax's hands and she has to deal with the fact that the person she fell in love with, the charming boy she fell in love with, is also the person who is abusing her. They are the same person. Even if you, can't in your head, reconcile that those two people, that that person, both of those versions of that person, exist within the same person.
The book says, "Miriam stood holding her burning cheek in open mouth shock. He had hit her. Jax. From the record store, Jax. She was dumbfounded in her grief." That is so interesting to me, like, I feel like I talked about this in the Colleen Hoover episode where, like, that moment of realization when you realize that the person who is, like, hitting you right now, who is physically harming you, is that same person that smiled at you and made your heart race the first time you met them.
That is so, that must be so devastating. So utterly devastating. And I feel like that's what makes domestic abuse so much more painful for me to read about. That could bring tears to my eyes right now just talking about that. It's a form of grief, a form of loss. Like you will never be able to think about that person that made your heart race again without thinking about the person who just hit you, who just like choked you out.
But then later in the book, uh, Jax has a near death experience with 9/11, right? Because he worked in the Pentagon, and he has this near death experience and he like, he comes back to Miriam, like he visits her in her house in Memphis. And basically, is like lowkey trying to win her back. And I was like, what? Like he... How does he justify trying to win her back knowing that he like tried to choke her when she was pregnant?
Like knowing that, how do you— do you not have shame? You don't have pride? Like you don't, I don't know. That's a lot of nerve. It's a lot of audacity. It's a lot. And it's like, the crazy part is this is not like— this is not new. This is not something that's unique to this story. This is something that happens all the time.
Men will physically abuse women, and then be on their knees asking for forgiveness. Like, ugh, that just disgusts me, honestly. But another thing I wanted to talk about with Jax is, Joan, his daughter. His daughter's anger at him. And, it was so... interesting to me. Joan's relationship with her father. And it was interesting to me because it was so clear that Joan is a daughter wishing that she wasn't angry at her father.
A daughter that wishes that she could have the hugs and the smiles that other fathers give their daughters so easily. But one that knows that these hugs and smiles don't come easily for her.
And I feel like a quote that emphasizes this, that portrays this, is the one that says, "The anger that I had felt for years at my father was what I had had instead of him. It was all I had of him." So like, her father, basically, for her, was anger. Whenever she thought of her father, she felt anger. To the point where the anger was all that her father was to her.
Another thing I want to talk a little bit more about is Derek being a monster. Who Derek is as a person is so complicated and it feels even wrong to say that about someone like who raped someone else, but it is interesting to me and I feel like it's more interesting to me not because of Derek as a character but because of his mother. Because of August and how she feels about him. That is what's more interesting to me than the character of Derek. So, there's this part in the book where Miriam and August, like, come to a head, basically.
They're fighting and it feels like it gave me a really good perspective, a really good understanding of August's train of thought throughout this whole thing. Because most of the time the book focuses on how Miriam feels about having her daughters in the same house as her daughter's rapist, but this like reversal, this introspective look into August was very interesting to me.
So the quote says, "My child is a monster, Miriam. August's voice, a natural alto, had shaken the rafters themselves. She had called her sister by her full Christian name, not her pet name. Something August couldn't even remember doing before. They already live with the gangster. Finally rinsing the pot, August now thought about the kiss on her cheek Derek had planted before running out to meet Pumpkin. The, I love you mama, none of the girls had heard him whisper in her ear." So it's like this, this interesting dynamic where August is so aware that her child is a monster. She knows he's a monster, but she loves him anyway, because that's her son.
The simple, you know, the kiss on the cheek and him telling her that he loves her? Oh my god, it's like. That must be so hard. It makes me think of, like, the true crime documentaries where the parents of the perpetrator have to come to terms with the fact that their child did something so horrible.
That is so, that is so rough. To know that your child deserves the hate that they are receiving from other people, but hating that they have to endure that hate from other people anyway, wishing they didn't have to go through it, that's something else.
And then, another quote that emphasizes this phenomenon is, "August had felt Derek's kiss long after he'd gone, like every man she had ever known. She put the pot back in the soapy water and began scrubbing again, worried about everyone she loved around her." Cause there's like no winning for August, you know? Like there's, she can't love her son without feeling bad about it because she knows what her son has done to Joan and she knows that Joan's anger at Derek is deserved, but she wishes that it didn't exist. She probably wishes it didn't happen. I mean obviously everyone wishes it didn't happen, but she more than anyone wishes that her son was not the monster that he is.
Something I was wondering I was reading this book was like who is the main character of this book?
I think about this for a lot about books that switch POVs a lot. I was looking at all of the perspectives of the four point of views, and I noticed that Joan's is the only one that's in first perspective, the only one that uses I in those chapters. But here's the thing. For me, Joan didn't feel like the main character until, like, maybe the very end of the book.
For me, Hazel and Miriam and August felt like they were stronger, more dynamic characters, and that they were the main characters of the book. And Joan was kind of like secondary until the end. I don't know why I felt like that, but that's just something I was thinking about. But anyway, let's go back to the father figures in this book.
So, Myron is the man that was in love with Hazel. He built her a house and he's the father of Miriam. Technically, he's not the father of August, but August considers him her father as well. But Myron, man. Myron is what dreams are made of. Like, he loved Hazel.
He loved his his wife. He really did love her. And it was just sad when he died because it was like, man, the one man in this book that is worth anything, he's gonna die? But that's how it goes sometimes. Myron's death was really sad because he basically was lynched by his own co-workers.
He worked as a policeman, and he knew that the person who like committed the crime or whatever he was investigating was a white man, but then they (the police force) all wanted to pin it on a Black man and he was fighting for the white man to be put to justice blah, blah, blah. Obviously his white co-workers didn't like that during like segregation times, right?
And so they killed him. And this scene is interesting because it makes me feel like it communicates the idea that all instances of Black pain are connected. And I say this because the book kind of makes a reference to Emmett Till. It makes you feel like the police officers wanted to pin this on Emmett Till and not the white man that did like do the crime.
Like it's alluding to the idea that Emmett Till was the black boy that they wanted to pin the crime on that Myron was investigating. So, it makes me feel like, especially when you take into consideration the dedication of this book, it makes you feel like all instances of black pain, from Emmett Till to Myron North to George Floyd, all of them, are connected because they all begin and end with white people.
Which feels like a radical thing to say like, Ooh, white people are the cause of all Black pain. Like, but if you think about it, about America's history, it's true. No matter how uncomfortable it is. It's true. And the fact that it's still true in the case of George Floyd is just so devastating.
You think of George Floyd, you think of Trayvon Martin, you just think of all these faces, all these names, and their pain always begins and ends with white people.
So moving on to the other two fathers in this story, and I feel like I can kind of examine them together because they were unknown for most of the story.
So Derek's father and August's father. For most of the book, I was like, who are they? Who is it? Who is their father? Like, somebody tell me who the father is. I just know it's gonna be really good. And then it was like, when the reveal came, it was like so anticlimactic. Like, it ended up being just like some man.
It didn't even end up mattering who they were. It was like, okay. That's it. The reveal of who their father was didn't contribute to the plot, or the richness of the story, or make the story feel more intricate, or anything like that, which honestly, it's hard to do that. But I still wanted it. And it just ended up being like, some man, like they didn't matter really. They had a little bit of impact and added a little bit of information to the story, but they didn't— it could have been anyone, really. Any black man.
But, when we found out that August's father was a civil rights activist that was killed, basically lynched, in the same way that Myron was, it was interesting to me because it made me realize that the fathers of both of Hazel's kids were killed because of racism. Which I guess is accurate, because this is like, what, during the 50s, 60s vibes, right?
So most black men during that time were probably dying because of racism. But it was just like, it was just crazy to me, like that both of them had died, trying to fight for Black rights. And I tried to figure out if August's father was like a reference to a particular like civil rights figure, but I couldn't figure it out because the book says that he like died like right after MLK, he was assassinated right after MLK. But I think it was just like inspired by the Black activists getting killed, like getting assassinated during that time because there were so many. But I did find this article this NPR article.
And it was interesting to me because remember the book is called Memphis and MLK was assassinated in Memphis.
The NPR article talks about Coretta Scott King going back to Memphis after MLK was assassinated. So I was like, oh my god, like no wonder they mentioned MLK's death, like the book takes place in Memphis, it's called Memphis.
But this is what the article says. "Her presence in Memphis, Tennessee, her being Coretta Scott King, just four days after her husband was slain there, was the act of a civil rights leader in its own right. On April 8th, 1968, Coretta Scott King wore a black lace headscarf as she led a march through downtown Memphis. Three of her four children were at her side. I was compelled to come, she said at the time. I asked the question, how many men must die before we can really have a free and true and peaceful society?"
So I feel like this article, the quote from the article I just read, echoes the idea, the message that the author is trying to get across with the mention of Black men being killed in their fight for a peaceful society, a free society, a just society.
Anyways, moving on to Derek's father. The reveal of Derek's father was also kind of anticlimactic, it mainly served to, to help the reader understand Derek more as a character, as a person, because it talks about the abuse that he endured from his father, and that abuse contributing to him becoming such a twisted person, but it's like, I don't know.
Here's what the book describes Derek's father as: "That boy's father was Lucifer. I mean that. The kind of man that make you believe in evil in this world. Know it in your bones. Feeling you get when you stare into an abyss, and know in your heart that there, below, dragons roam." So that's, you know, kind of unsettling.
Like, you just called the boys father Lucifer himself, so obviously you're gonna have a baby Lucifer, right? But, his mother, August, continues describes his abuse, and just like Derek in general, to give you a sense of how Derek ended up the way he did. She says, "Derek was born in the middle of a thunderstorm in March. The power out. Six hours into labor and Elm had fallen onto a power line. People drowned that night. Derek came out silent as a lamb through all of it. His father held him first. Can you imagine? Wouldn't even let me be the first to hold my boy. He said, he'll be a Spartan. And God, that man lived up to his promise. Brutally. Ruthlessly. Once I found D, we call him D at home. In a closet, shivering. He had held a bucket of water in his hands, for hours. He was ten years old." Now, honestly, I don't know what she's talking about, with like the bucket of water. I can assume that his father did something, like, something malicious to him.
Something horrible to him to make him a so called Spartan, right? To, you know, that idea that Black men sometimes have where it's like— or just men in general sometimes have where it's like, if I put him through all this hardship he'll only come out stronger. Not like whining that putting him through hardship might maybe traumatize him and like not make him stronger.
But anyway, it's like the same thing as Jax though, the same thing as Miriam's husband. His abuse, his trauma, will never justify the harm that they've enacted onto other people. Just because they've endured trauma, that doesn't make what they're doing to other people, what they've done to other people, okay.
Like, it doesn't make the playing field even. It's like, oh, I endured trauma, and I inflicted trauma upon you, but we both are traumatized, so let's just call it even. Like, call it a blank slate. Like, no. That's not how it works. And it felt like that is something that the characters, like, kept trying to say.
Like, oh, but I'm traumatized too, have pity on me. Like, no. I have no pity for you. But then, when you read about Derek's fate, with, you know, him being in prison, and that scene where Joan goes to visit him in the jail. And she realizes that someone else's suffering does not lessen her own, with that scene where there's this like inmate that comes by when Joan is visiting Derek and the inmate like blows a kiss at him. So you get the implication that maybe Derek is being raped in prison by this man. Being intimidated by this man and facing demons that Joan also had to face after Derek and she just feels like bad for him.
She realizes that she, she for so long thought that she wanted him to suffer, and he needed to pay for what he did to her. And then when she actually witnesses it in action, she like, regrets thinking that way. Which is very notable for her. Because I don't know if I would feel the same. I probably would.
This book is telling me I probably would. However, I'm like, make him suffer to some extent. Anyway, something I wondered while I was reading this book was like, how old is Ms.Dawn really? Like the character Ms Dawn. Cause Ms.Dawn was like a grown adult when Hazel and Myron were falling in love.
Like they talk about Ms.Dawn in her house watching Hazel and Myron like be all lovey dovey, right? And telling them like, when are you guys gonna get married or whatever? So she's fully grown then. Maybe 20, maybe 21, right? And then, she's present throughout the entire story. Like, I can assume that she's really, really old by the time Joan is trying to study to get into art school.
When Joan is drawing the portrait of Ms.Dawn's hands because when your hands get older, they look very interesting. Like, very wrinkled, just weathered in general. So, that, like, I feel like she's pretty old and that's why Joan had this fixation on her hands, how powerful they looked, even in their weathered state.
But I was like, how old is this woman? Like she just, there's no indication that she is like a hunched over old woman. Like she just seems like the same throughout the entire book and the book spans like 50 years. Like what? Um, which I guess that might mean she's just 70. But still, like it doesn't feel like she's aging along with the story.
It just feels like she's just like this, this person that's just always around just just vibing.
I guess I should wrap up this book review by talking about the ending. The ending was just okay to be honest. It was just alright, I don't know how else you would end this book but I wanted more.
I don't know what I wanted, but I wanted more. Finishing this book lowkey felt like finishing homework. You know that relief you get where you're like, I'm finally done Which is not a great thing. Like that's not the best feeling to have in the world as far as like when you're reading a book for fun.
But I still am i'm like, I don't regret reading it because I feel like each book that I read that's written by a Black author is bringing me one step closer to being able to write, like, freely as a Black writer.
Like, to be wholly and unapologetically Black in every single word that I write in my stories. So, I'm glad I read it. But anyway, I'm gonna end this episode here. Make sure to follow the podcast on Instagram @JumblePodcast and make sure to check out the website.
I am doing my best to catch up and upload transcripts from past episodes and new episodes that are coming out. So make sure to check out the website. You can check out the website at bit.ly/jumblepod. Yeah, that's pretty much it. This book, this book was, obviously I had a lot to say about this book.
Even though I rated this book a 6 like I obviously, I had a lot to say. So, do with that what you will.
And as always, thanks for listening.